Philly’s Biggest Losers of 2016
Now that the last shreds of wrapping paper have been vacuumed up and the good dishes are finally put away, we revisit our time-honored tradition of taking a look back at the year and the losers, miscreants, and ne’er-do-wells it spawned. (For a more optimistic view of Philadelphia, consider Holly Otterbein‘s Biggest Winners of 2016.)
The once-lovable former champion of the everyman now spends his time being largely irrelevant and making facepalm-worthy comments in places like the Washington Post. But when you’re pulling in a cool $5,000 each month to do virtually nothing for a casino in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, you probably don’t care.
Our Sports Teams (Flyers Excluded)
It wasn’t so long ago that the Phillies won the World Series and the Eagles seemed like a team destined for the Super Bowl. How quickly things can change. As for the Sixers, well, we’ve stopped paying attention.
When we put the so-called Boston Marathon Dad on our 2015 Biggest Losers list, we figured that would be the last of it, that we’d never write about him again. But then he got himself arrested outside a Kenny Chesney concert in June. And then when he showed up at court to enter a plea, Mike Rossi told our reporter that he wasn’t Mike Rossi. Something tells us that 2017 won’t be devoid of a good Mike Rossi story.
The Fattahs really deserve their own category, but we can’t forget about Louise Bishop, Kathleen Kane, and Leslie Acosta. Plus, there are the allegedly dirty Dems who have yet to go to trial: Renee Tartaglione, Barbara Hafer, and Larry Farnese all face federal charges. One can only imagine what will happen once Donald Trump’s Department of Justice starts poking around.
The “Dwayne from Swedesboro” scandal on 97.5 and the Josh Innes “house negro” debacle over at WIP remind us why we stopped listening to these stations a long, long time ago.
Blazer? Check. Wine glass? Check. Ascot?? Check. The only thing that could have possibly made this story better would have been a beret.
Does the legalization of Uber and Lyft mean extinction for the angriest, dirtiest, and smelliest method of transportation in Philadelphia?
To name a few:
- Tier III (that’s the worst kind) sex offender Richard Coppolino sued Pennsylvania, claiming that the state’s Megan’s Law requirements were making his life miserable.
- Deborah Dailey was a longtime (35 years!) city employee who stole $73,000 from the job. And after getting a cushy deal that included zero jail time, she sued the city, because her former bosses are refusing to let her collect a $6,500-per-month pension. How dare they!
- Media resident Paige Kalika got drunk at a Manayunk bar and then drove her Honda Civic for more than 30 minutes before crashing and getting hit with a DUI charge. Then she fell out of bed in the drunk tank — because she was still so drunk — and decided to take the bar to court for her injuries sustained during the fall.
Her third consecutive year on our Biggest Losers list. Why? Because instead of just keeping her mouth shut and serving her light sentence in the Center City gay-bashing case, she asked a judge to let her out early in exchange for her filming a PSA. And after that was (of course) denied, she asked to get out early for good behavior.
Fun-Hating City Council
Our legislators at City Hall have a long history of trying to screw with our fun, with targets that have included skateboarding, bicyclists, urban chicken farming, and blunts, to name a few. And then earlier this year, epic partier Mark Squilla tried to pull some crap known as the Promoter’s Bill, which would have imposed all sorts of idiotic restrictions on local concerts. Here’s a thought, esteemed members of City Council: Fix the schools and leave our fun alone!
We never really liked iCandy in the first place, but the owner caught on video dropping the N-bomb sorta hammered the final nail into the coffin.
That Tourism Commercial
We’re sure that the whole Godzilla-style battle between Ben Franklin and the gigantic cheesesteak really brought a lot of people to town.
Our first lifetime honoree.
From the Cell Phone Incident at B2 Cafe to the viral video of unruly kids and their mom on the Market-Frankford El, 2016 has shown us how wrong and judgmental social media has made us.
That Double Dz Party Bus Guy
But, really, the best part of that infamous South Philly tale has got to be this quote from the bride: “You can’t hear fire.”
The single worst restaurant to open in Philadelphia in 2016. But at least it made a list.
Just when Doc started getting a leg up on his image problem, the FBI came calling. Again.
In April, the State College–based weather forecasting company used by Channel 6 and countless other outlets across the country tried to shovel some amazingly stinky you-know-what: 90-day weather predictions. For once, we agreed with John Bolaris, who told us: “It’s ridiculous. AccuWeather is undeniably the hugest weather brand by far in the United States. But this has no rhyme or reason. I’m skeptical of any long-ranges, because our climate is changing and the computers and data have not caught up yet.”
Those MilkBoy Dumpsters
Because what South Street really needs is a gross, overflowing dumpster sitting on the sidewalk. So much for being a good neighbor.
That Hideous 9/11 Memorial
Only the DRPA could come up with such a uniquely bad idea.
The Fourth of July
We went from sleazy concerts on the Ben Franklin Parkway to lackluster, poorly timed fireworks and television coverage that just didn’t work. Maybe it’s time to close up shop and just go down the Shore like everybody else.
You know you’re living in Philadelphia when everybody is talking about the fact that the top law-enforcement official neglected to report a gift of $45,000 in free roofing work instead of talking about the fact that it’s perfectly OK for him to accept said gift in the first place. The 2017 primary election can’t come soon enough. If you can’t beat this guy, you’re a real loser.
That PAFA Art Model
AKA Bryan Christopher Sawyer, or, as we like to refer to him, one of the worst human beings to ever step foot in our city. And that’s saying something.
A spectacular flameout for a guy who was once a promising young chef.
What did we miss? Add your own losers in the comments section below.
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