Diary of a Philadelphia Snowmageddon

A Philadelphia Snowmageddon: A deserted Philadelphia street during Monday’s “weather event.”

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When Weather Attacks: Diary of a Philadelphia Snowmageddon

We knew it was (probably, maybe) coming for days. Salt became hard to find over the weekend. By Sunday morning, parents went into full-blown panic-shopping mode while their children waited gleefully for a snow-day announcement. And that snow day announcement for Philadelphia public school students came just around the same time that the Eagles finished off the Giants at the Linc, any weather events still many hours away. Then my daughter’s private school announced its own snow day. That came while my son waited for a snow day announcement that would never come from the college he commutes to and fro’. Some school administrators in the Philadelphia area saw the weather reports and went all Idi Amin, deciding to conduct school virtually, surely leading to many vulgar exchanges and proclamations on student Discords.

WXPN radio personality and amateur Philadelphia weather prognosticator Robert Drake was quick to hop on Facebook to try to preempt the grumbling and griping of people of a certain age just after the Philadelphia School District made its announcement. “Before y’all go nuts on the ‘it’s not even snowing yet’ wagon, this decision (I’m assuming) is based more on getting kids HOME later in the day when roads and traffic will be impacted with the first snowstorm of the season,” he wrote to his many followers.

But Drake’s explanation didn’t seem to persuade many. Parents took to social media to complain that Monday was supposed to be the first day back from winter break for their kids and, well, they’re sick of their kids. And it didn’t take long for one middle-aged Philadelphia woman to make the inevitable remark: “I don’t want to sound old, but I literally used to hike through a foot of snow to get to school.” Alas, you sound old.

I looked out my bedroom window at 3 a.m. and said something to myself along the lines of, “Snow? What snow?” But then it came. A thin blanket of whiteness. I took a ride around the virtually empty streets, slipping and sliding not once, marveling at the dusting. That was around the same time that a friend in Delco popped up on Facebook, writing, his tongue firmly implanted in his cheek: “We awoke to nearly a HALF an inch of white death on the ground. Still melting in the streets but that provides no solace. The sense of impending doom is overwhelming. Perhaps a double order of french toast and watching the local news with the volume cranked up will ease the feelings of dread. The flakes of destruction continue to fall outside the window. I beg you pray for our deliverance.”

Philadelphia: The city where you either make way too big of a deal about the weather or make fun of the people who do.

Around lunchtime came a message over my neighborhood listserv with a newcomer resident inquiring about good sledding hills in the area. I sent him this. But as I looked out my kitchen window at the hill that barely retained more than a coating of snow, I feared that anyone in search of anything approaching sledding would find nothing but disappointment.

One thing about this “snowstorm” that is not disappointing: The Philadelphia Streets Department. Workers managed to treat the roads and pick up my trash all in the same day, setting a dangerous precedent for any future snow events. My cuffed wool Eagles beanie off to them.

The PPA Gives Drivers a Snow Day, Too

The roads being as treacherous as they are, most of the hardworking men and women of the dreaded Philadelphia Parking Authority have the day off. As such, the PPA is not enforcing meter violations on Monday, according to a PPA spokesperson. So park ’em if you got ’em.

From the Dept. of Don’t Let the Door Hit You In the Ass…

I somehow managed to not publish a Worst of Philly or Biggest Philly Losers list in 2024 (for previous examples, see here and here.) And I feel ashamed. But had I done so, I certainly would have included, in addition to Kylie Kelce bully Andree Goldberg  and the always entertaining in a can’t-look-away kind of way John Bolaris, disgraced (in so many ways) Philadelphia media personality Howard Eskin. Well, make that former media personality. Eskin is (finally) off the air — and apparently for good — after a December altercation at Chickie’s & Pete’s, a spot known for memorable brawls as much as for Crabfries.

By the Numbers

$400: Approximate cost of a pair of nosebleed seats to this Sunday’s Eagles/Packers matchup at the Linc.

0 percent: Alcohol content in the drinks at these Philly bars and bottles shops. Perfect timing if you’re considering a dry (or merely less wet) January.

13: Routes that the world’s worst airline — I am, of course, talking about Spirit — just cut from its PHL roster. They’ll be missed about as much as Howard Eskin.

Local Talent

Congrats to Jason Kelce, who can now officially add to his long list of titles and job descriptions “late night TV host.” Unsurprisingly, he curses a lot on it.