GOP’s “Fat Thighs,” “Small Breasts” Hillary Dig Is Really a Compliment

There's a lot of substance in all that fried chicken.

Hillary Clinton is not amused.

Thirty-seven months out, and we’re back to Hillary’s body parts.

At the California Republican Party convention over the weekend in Anaheim, political buttons were spotted that read: ‘KFC Hillary Special – 2 Fat Thighs, 2 Small Breasts… Left Wing.’

Funny stuff, eh? A sure-fire approach to recruit women and other minorities to the “new” GOP. I can see the bumper stickers: “Do you want a President with cellulite?” “Hillary for the Thighs-man Trophy.” “Send Hillary to the Fat Farm, not the White House.”

In case you missed it, the double standard is alive and well in presidential politics. Regardless of a woman’s intellect, experience or fitness for office, her body is fair game, and it had better pass muster. Conversely, hotness trumps all. (See Palin, Sarah.)

While some argue that male candidates, too, are under the aesthetic microscope these days, it’s not nearly to the same degree. Case in point: Chris Christie is the size of the Goodyear blimp, but I’ve never heard anyone criticize his ankles.

Yes, ankles. In Carl Bernstein’s controversial 2007 Hillary biography, A Woman in Charge, hers were described as “thick.” A conservative columnist likened them to those of “a rogue elephant”–an insult more appropriately directed at Palin, if you ask me.

We’re talking ankles here, people. They’re like opinions–everybody’s got two.

Sadly, little about Clinton’s physical appearance has escaped public criticism, from her weight to her (alleged) plastic surgery to her wardrobe to her hairstyle to her eyewear. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “the body politic.”

Even Hillary’s laugh has been mocked by no less a dirtbag than Dick Morris, who used to suck hookers’ toes.

With Hillary expected to run in 2016, this much is beyond dispute: She is, by any measure, a woman of substance. She proved it by almost winning the Democratic nomination in ’08. She proved it again by serving as President Obama’s Secretary of State. Everything she does is news.

To Republicans gathered in Anaheim, however, Hillary has been reduced to a KFC combination of two fat thighs, two small breasts and a left wing.

How would one quantify such metaphorically intended images? I decided to check the nutrition guide on KFC’s website. Two Original Recipe thighs, two breasts and one wing, add up to 1,360 calories, 78 grams of fat and 4,410 milligrams of sodium.

That’s roughly the minimum daily requirement for the country of Somalia. And if that’s not substantive, I don’t know what is, considering how many Somalians are starving.

Besides, I’ll happily take fried chicken–no matter how greasy–over raw crow. That is what Republicans will be eating three years from now, especially those in California.