Comes word from Hollywood that a major studio is planning an epic film on the life of legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi, starring Robert DiNiro as Lombardi, and I’m not really sure how I feel about it.
A movie buff, I see DiNiro as the greatest actor of my generation. But given the kind of characters were used to seeing him play, I’m not sure he can pull off a sports thing. The vicious gangster Jimmy Conway in Goodfellas, yes. The diabolical robbery planner in Heat, I’m good with. The psychopathic Travis Bickel in Taxi Driver, or even the righteous neighborhood dad in A Bronx Tale, I’m totally buying. [SIGNUP]
But the closest Bobby D ever got to sports was when he cracked an underling with a baseball bat as Al Capone in The Untouchables.
So, let’s try out a scene and see how it goes:
ACT ONE. SCENE ONE
(FORREST GREGG COMES INTO THE LOCKER ROOM ON THE FIRST DAY OF PACKERS TRAINING CAMP WITH A MASSIVE HANGOVER FROM NIGHT OF CAROUSING WITH HIS OFFENSIVE LINEMEN BUDDIES. AND TEETOTALING QUARTERBACK BART STARR AIN’T HAPPY.)
Wonderful. Just great Forrest, you big dummy. The eve of camp and you get blasted?
What’s your problem, Starr? Maybe you should take a drink once in a while and it might loosen that bug in your ass. Hey guys, you know in college they used to call him “Bug in the Ass Bart? No kidding. I mean, this guy was so tightly wound, you could actually see the bug in his ass in the mirror.
Hey Forrest, no more Bug in the Ass. You’ve been away all off-season. Maybe they didn’t go up to Montana, or wherever the hell you live, and tell you. I’ve won a couple of NFL championships. They don’t call me Bug in the Ass Bart no more.
Yo, relax! I haven’t seen you in a long time, and I’m busting your balls a little bit and right away you’re getting freaking fresh.
(SEEING LOMBARDI IN THE ROOM, GREGG TURNS TO HIS COACH)
Hey Vince, what’s right is right!
Nah, nah…you insulted him a lil’ bit.
No, I didn’t insult nobody.
You insulted him a lil’ bit.
I didn’t insult nobody. Let’s have a drink. Drinks on me.
Forrest, the drinks are on the Packers.
(JERRY KRAMER, GREGG’S OFFENSIVE LINE MATE, PASSES HIS BUDDY A FLASK FILLED WITH OLD GRAND DAD. GREGG TAKES A SLUG).
Now, get that bug out of your ass!
You mother-loving mutt you!
(STARR IS IN A LATHER. HIS PACKER TEAMMATES TRY TO HOLD HIM BACK FROM GETTING TO FORREST GREGG.)
Keep him here! That fake tough guy! He bought his All-Pro award!
(LOMBARDI TURNS TO AN ASSISTANT COACH)
(Smiling and wrapping an arm around the coach) It’s gonna be a great season!
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