Philly Today: The Zombie Scene, the Eagles’ Green, and Stephen A. Gets Mean

Plus: Barstool Sports is having some troubles, and the biggest-ever crowd at a women’s sporting event turned out in …

zombie apocalypse

Braaaains! How likely is Philly to survive a zombie apocalypse?

Happy Friday, and Happy Labor Day Weekend! You may or may not be soothed to know that on a new list of cities where residents are most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse, Philadelphia ranks a relatively healthy 22nd out of 200 total burgs.

What, you may ask, are the metrics for such a highly scientific study? They included share of population in poor health, number of supermarkets, walkability, share of homes with bunkers, and number of hunting gear stores. You may also well ask, where should I move if I live in constant dread of a zombie apocalypse? Well, let’s just say Houston, Texas, is likely your nirvana, whereas Miramar, Florida, is not your best choice. Which actually kind of makes sense.

Esteemed Philly-born sports apparel maker Mitchell & Ness, which was bought up last year by Bryn Mawr billionaire Michael Rubin, has a brand-new CEO, Eli Kumekpor, formerly a VP at Nike.

And speaking of big bucks, the Philadelphia Business Journal reports that the valuation of the Eagles franchise shot up 18 percent, to $5.8 billion, in the wake of last season’s Super Bowl appearance. That means owner Jeff Lurie has seen his investment grow by 3,035 percent since he bought the team in 1994.

And speaking of Eagles, you’ll be happy to learn that Flaco, Central Park’s escaped Eurasian eagle owl who’s been on the lam from the zoo there since February, has a new official gig.

I like birds, okay? You know who doesn’t like former Sixer Ben Simmons, though? Stephen A. Smith, whose career started right here in Philly at the Inquirer, does not like Ben Simmons. Not one bit.

And in South Philly news, one of their own, 23-year-old Emily Stephens, was just crowned National American Miss Pennsylvania 2023. Congrats, cuz!

By the Numbers:

1.9 million: Square footage of a massive industrial complex that Atlanta’s Portman Holdings is building on what used to be the Happy Days Farm in Exton.

15: Years in federal prison that local Proud Boys leader Zach Rehl was sentenced to yesterday for his role in the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol. “I’m done peddling lies for other people who don’t care about me,” the Port Richmond resident told the court.

25 percent: Staffers that Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy is laying off after buying the company back from Wyomissing-based Penn Entertainment, which lost hundreds of millions of dollars after it acquired his bro-y brand. What a pity.

$238 billion: Operating income reported by the University of Pennsylvania Health System for the fiscal year ending June 30th, up 61 percent over the prior year. Talk about healthy!

And from the Slow-Day Sports Desk …

Nobody around these parts was playing nothin’ last night, so we’ll head to Nebraska, of all places, for this report from the world of distaff sports: That state set a record this week for attendance at a women’s sporting event.

Closer to home — well, sort of — Julie Ertz, better half of former Eagle Zach (he’s now with the Cardinals), announced her retirement from women’s soccer.

You want a weekend update? We got your weekend update. The Phils are in Milwaukee for three games against the Brewers, with the first starting tonight at 8:05. Saturday’s game is at 7:15, and Sunday’s at 1:05.

On Saturday, Temple kicks off its football season at the Linc against the University of Akron at 2 p.m. This will be head coach Stan Drayton’s second year at the helm, and he’s starting out with 50 new players on the roster.

And in the wake of their lame-ass performance in Toronto on Wednesday, the Union go up against the New York Red Bulls on Sunday at home in Subaru Park, with a 7:30 start. C’mon, guys, play a little defense. Enjoy the long weekend, y’all!