Dear Internet: Stop Trying to Make Carrot Hot Dogs Happen (Please!)
I don’t eat meat so, naturally, I am usually all about an innovative, veggie-filled creation designed to make summer BBQs a little less miserable for the vegetarians and vegans of the world. That said, the invention of the carrot hot dog is one I simply can’t get on board with.
I first spotted a carrot hot dog — literally just a marinated whole carrot that is cooked and then stuffed into a a bun and called a “hot dog” — a few weeks ago on Instagram. I thought to myself, “Ew. Dumb. Why?” and went on with my day, figuring everyone else in the world agreed. After all, what could possibly be good about a cooked carrot enveloped in bread and topped with mustard and ketchup? Nothing. The answer is nothing. Just because one food is kind of shaped like another does not mean we should try to disguise it as such, right?
I figured this sighting of a carrot hot dog on the internet would be a one-time occurrence. But, no: In the past few weeks, I’ve seen them everywhere — infiltrating my Pinterest feed, nestled into vegetarian BBQ recipe roundups, being Instagrammed by my favorite food blogger (Noooooooo). So I feel like I have to say what I never thought I would ever have to say: Dear Internet, please stop trying to make carrot hot dogs happen.
Of course, it should be noted out that I have never actually bitten into a carrot hot dog. (Because why would I? If you asked me if I wanted to try a boiled carrot sandwich — exactly what a carrot hot dog really is — my answer would be an offended, “Dear god, no. WHY?”) But what’s more important is that I don’t ever want to. And if, when hunting for veg-friendly recipes on the internet, anyone in my family stumbles across one of the many, many carrot dog recipes now just a measly misguided-internet-search away, they will make it in an effort to make up for all the times they’ve asked me, “But you still eat chicken, right?” And I WILL be forced to eat it. And I will blame you, internet.
And lest you think I’m the only person who feels this way about carrot dogs, I asked the guys over at Foobooz, Philly Mag’s true food-writing experts, what they thought of the vegan BBQ trend. To paraphrase what they said said: A carrot hot dog sounds like something you’d give to a vegan who you don’t like at a Fourth of July party. And, “This is the kind of food that makes people hate vegans and vegetarians.” They’re not wrong.
So, Internet, I repeat: Please stop trying to make carrot dogs happen. They should never happen.
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