The Onion Says Atlantic City Will Soon Be Back to Ruining Lives

On Friday morning, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced that the mandatory evacuation had been lifted in Atlantic City and that casinos could reopen and begin gaming business at 10 a.m. The state had completed all of the necessary checks and tests on gambling systems and equipment citizens in the surrounding area would, soon enough, be able to return to the tables. The Onion decided to chime in on the issue by running a piece indicating that A.C. would be back to ruining lives in no time.

“The floodwaters have receded, but the damage to our city is so severe that it will be quite some time before we’re back at full strength and ready to totally demolish the personal lives and finances of thousands of human beings,” said Mayor Lorenzo Langford, who urged cooperation with disaster relief personnel in working to restore the city’s ability to systematically bankrupt people and hurl them into a desperate spiral of misery and debt. [The Onion]