This Is Why You Should Hate Bryce Harper [UPDATE]

It was brought to our attention that not everyone in Philadelphia is fully aware of Bryce Harper’s existence or, more aptly, why a lot of people were thrilled that Cole Hamels made the kid wear a pitch in the first inning of last night’s game against the Nationals.

For those of you who aren’t privy, Bryce Harper is the 19-year-old starting left fielder for the Washington Nationals. He was called up from the minors a little over a week ago. He was on the cover of Sports Illustrated when he was 16. When he was 15, it’s alleged that he hit a 570-foot home run out of a stadium, over an elevated highway, and into the Las Vegas desert.

The simple truth is that Bryce Harper is an incredible baseball player. Watching him play baseball would be a privilege and a joy were it not for the fact that he’s completely insufferable and playing for a team that’s nearly as irritating as he is individually.

So, in case you’re trying to figure out why everybody hates him, we’ve done the honor of compiling a list of reasons that no one likes Bryce Harper.

Here’s Bryce Harper describing himself as “Hercules”

Here’s Bryce Harper showing up a Minor League umpire.

Here’s Bryce Harper naming his puppy “Swag.”

Here’s Bryce Harper showing up a Junior College umpire.

Here’s Bryce Harper admitting he likes the Cowboys, Lakers, Yankees, Duke basketball and Texas football.

Here’s Bryce Harper’s smeared eye black.

Here’s Bryce Harper asking a mildly relevant rapper to name-drop him in a song.

Here’s Bryce Harper blowing a kiss at a pitcher after hitting a home run.

Here’s Bryce Harper hitting himself in the head with a bat. He had to get 10 stitches.

Here’s Bryce Harper responding to a reporter’s inquiry by saying, “That’s a clown question, bro.”

Here’s Bryce Harper walking out to “Boyfriend” by Justin Bieber.

Here’s Bryce Harper trademarking “That’s a clown question, bro.”

Here’s Bryce Harper telling 7-year-olds to be sexy.