Icy Feelings About Cold-Weather Warnings

Is a sign really going to save me from an icicle falling 37 stories? BY DAVID LIPSON

Winter in Philadelphia. After the record snow fall last year I was convinced that, thanks to the law of averages, this would be a mild winter. It is not. I am cold.

As I was hustling back from lunch, I came upon this sign.

I have to say I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the information. Knowing a little about the laws of gravity whereby objects accelerate each second they are in free fall, a piece of ice falling 37 stories would be falling pretty damn fast. Could I possibly dodge a clear piece of ice falling at a speed approaching mach one? You know I can finally relate to those poor SOB terrorists that are in the sites of a hellfire missile launched by a drone.

And then I wondered could someone possibly survive being hit by an ice missile. Imagine the scene in court. Well, your honor, the sidewalk was clearly marked so the pedestrian was warned of the danger.

I think I have a solution. We should randomly place warning signs throughout the city that would warn citizens of all sorts of dangers. The sign would have one simple message: Shit happens.