How to Avoid a Dating Horror Story: For Men

A Halloween-themed list for guys searching for love

Dear Monica, I feel that you concentrate too much on the female point of view. There are plenty of nightmare women out there that men have to put up with. Can you give the men some advice on personalities to steer clear from?C.B. Conshohocken, PA

You’re right. There are plenty of witches who should be avoided. In keeping with the spooky season, here are the women that you should fear most:

Vampira: She is just there to flirt, look good, and lure you into her web. You’ll buy her dinner, drinks, and maybe get a wild one-nighter. The problem is, if this relationship moves forward, she will drain you for all you’re worth. What was once just a bar tab will become an endless black hole. Stay away from the ones that just want to bleed you dry.

Princess Priss
: She’s a lovely package — well-dressed, went to the right college, cultured, and sophisticated. You want to bring her home to mom and dad. Only one problem lurks, she does not want to be alone with you. There is always an excuse for why the date needs to end after the good night kiss. The amount of heat needed to thaw this one will only end up causing frustration and angst.

The Gaga Attention Whore: She’s pretty, thin, engaging, and she puts out. She’s a little odd, but fun, so you ignore her initial short comings. The trouble starts when you bring her to a party, or around your friends. Only two words come to mind: Notice me. Her incessant prattle along with the inane stories that she tells are an endless cycle of B.S. Over time, this — coupled with her outrageous dressing and manner — is about as much fun as a shovel to the head.

The Know-it-All Chatterbox Pumpkin
: She’ll tell you how to do this. She’ll tell you how to do that. She has an opinion about everything. She has enough answers to make Alex Trebek blush. The only thing that she doesn’t know is when to shut the hell up! Don’t let her get started or you’ll be the bobble head all night long!

Flirty Jessica Rabbit: She has no girlfriends because she gets along better with guys. She bats her eyelashes, flips her hair, and is giddy to the point of no return. All this means nothing because the guys are just “friends.” Beware of women who can’t get along with women. There is a reason: Ms. Flirty is offensive and the girls want to stay away from her. Most importantly, they want to keep their husbands and boyfriends far away. She is definitely one to avoid!

Daddy’s Little Angel: She needs nothing from you because she already has it all. She has the condo on the Square, the Land Rover, the designer shoes, handbags and clothes. All she has to do is swipe daddy’s Amex and she is happy as can be. Dating her becomes a challenge when you are held to daddy’s standard of luxury. Nobody will do more for her than her dad. Although you don’t have to foot the bills, this relationship is going to become very emasculating over time.

Men don’t be frightened off from all of these monstrous personalities. The right woman is out there. Even the Munsters had their Marilyn. You may have to date some wicked stepsisters, but know that your Cinderella does exist. You just have to have the patience and where with all to find her.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.
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