Rita’s Water Ice Flavors, Ranked

It’s summertime. You know what that means.

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Because if you’re going to eat frozen, flavored water, you’d better get the best flavor on the menu.

Foobooz’s Ranking of Rita’s Ices

  1. Swedish Fish *
  2. Cherry
  3. Mango
  4. Root Beer
  5. Wild Black Cherry
  6. Chocolate
  7. Lemon
  8. Vanilla
  9. Margarita
  10. Blue Raspberry
  11. Pineapple
  12. Raspberry Lemonade
  13. Pina Colada
  14. Raspberry
  15. Blueberry
  16. Florida Orange
  17. Mango-Orange §
  18. Watermelon
  19. Strawberry Lemonade
  20. Tropical Punch
  21. Sour Patch Kids Red
  22. Strawberry
  23. Strawberry Colada
  24. Kiwi-Strawberry
  25. Strawberry Margarita
  26. Cotton Candy
  27. Juicy Pear ††
  28. Passion Fruit
  29. Honeydew
  30. Georgia Peach
  31. Green Apple
  32. Key Lime
  33. Guava
  34. Cantaloupe
  35. Chocolate Chocolate Chip ‡‡
  36. Chocolate Peanut Butter
  37. Peanut Butter & Jelly
  38. Island Fusion

* No, YOU shut up. Swedish Fish flavored water ice is like the best flavored water ice (cherry), only made 10% sweeter and more awesome. See? You can’t argue with math. ^

Personally, I am horrified by the idea of frozen chocolate water, but I was loudly voted down by everyone else in the office voting on this list. Still, seriously? It’s cold, wet chocolate, people? What’s the attraction?

This should just be called “Blue” because that’s what it tastes like. The color blue. Plus diabetes. But whatever. ^

§ Because that’s how bad an orange water ice is. Mango alone? 3rd best flavor. Add some orange and BOOM. Drop 14 places. ^

Tropical Punch is the point on the list where you have to have some kind of serious childhood attachment to even consider ordering any of these lesser flavors. ^

I voted for this to be somewhat higher, but that’s because I have children and if you add vodka to this one, it is not at all bad. Sickeningly sweet, sure, but what the hell. When you’re pouring liquor on your children’s leftovers, you’re past the point of being picky. ^

†† Narrowly beating out “Old, Leathery Pear” as flavor of the month. ^

‡‡ At this point, the rankings go Awful, Worse, If You Order This You Are Just A Bad Person and WTF? ^