Highs and Lows of The Bachelor, Week 3

The Bachelor is confusing. Going into last night’s episode, there were still 18 contestants on the show—too many to actually learn much about any of the women. How are we supposed to develop rooting interests if we only know three or four contestants? This show only gets good when we get down to a manageable number of people. For now, we plow through it.

HIGH. Jimmy Kimmel guest hosts tonight, which means the bits are slightly funnier than usual. Kimmel institutes an “amazing” jar that fines contestants a dollar every time they say the word “amazing” (the episode even dings any time someone says it). But he spends most of the episode busting on Farmer Chris, making a strong case that he should be permanent Bachelor host. Sorry, Chris Harrison.

LOW. One time in college I won a radio station call in and was live on the air. For some reason I unconsciously broke into a slogan: “Y100 Rocks!” Just the experience of being on the radio somehow made me instantly shill for the station. This is what happens to the Bachelor contestants this week. The following are actual quotes:

• “With Jimmy Kimmel and The Bachelor combining, it’s going to be super awesome.”
• “The Bachelor already puts on an amazing date no matter what it’s going to be. And then, now we have Jimmy Kimmel in the mix, I can only imagine it’s going to be extravagant. It’s going to be cool.”

What’s so odd is they didn’t use either of these quotes in promos this week.

HIGH. Farmer Chris and likely eventual winner Kaitlyn the Dance Instructor from Vancouver went on a date at a Costco. It went pretty well, as random children pushed them around the store in a giant inflatable ball.

LOW. For the second straight week, we got unnecessary censorship on Jillian’s outfit.

And let’s be clear: This was unnecessary censorship. Jillian herself said so!

I would clear a fence for @jimmykimmel any day. #TheBachelor #whywasmybootycensored

— Jillian Anderson (@Jillie_Alexis) January 20, 2015

She also noted the black bar last week.

I had a normal Bathing suit bottom from H&M #TheBachelor

— Jillian Anderson (@Jillie_Alexis) January 13, 2015

I believe her. If we can’t take a Bachelor contestant at her word, why even watch the show?

HIGH. The censorship of Jillian’s ass came during a bit that was essentially farm-themed Double Dare. The women had to run from station to station to shuck corn, cook eggs and wrestle a pig. And when they milked goats, it was literally one of those Double Dare games where you had to fill a cylinder to the line.

All this bit needed was a moment where they hunt for a flag in some slime.

LOW. Farmer Chris and Whitney have an awkward date at a winery. Here is an actual bit of conversation:

Farmer Chris: “I think I just ate some of your hair.”
Whitney: “How’d it taste?”
Farmer Chris: “It’s good … if I can swallow it.”

Eventually, they decide to crash a wedding, a move Farmer Chris says could land them in jail. Is that the penalty for crashing a wedding? I didn’t know the law treated it so harshly.

HIGH. Jade’s boob appeared to be hanging out while she was jumping on the bed with Farmer Chris. That’s not necessarily a high, but was kind of great when everyone on Twitter noticed it at the same time. I guess ABC is the network that brought us NYPD Blue.

LOW. Ashley I.—the freelance journalist—spends her time with Farmer Chris crying over other women getting more time with him than she does. But just when you think all is lost, this move actually works. She ends up kissing Chris as the two nearly fall off the roof. #TeamAshley

HIGH. Kimmel to Farmer Chris: “Whatever you do, don’t be yourself. Be someone who gives better speeches.”

LOW. Eliminated this week were Amber, Tracy and Trina. Again, the large contestant pool kind of ruins the early episodes. I have no idea who any of these people are and I get paid to watch this show. Now that we are down to 15 contestants, perhaps viewers can start to get things straight. Till next week!