Backing Tracks, Epic Fails, and Kool & the Gang Were at Last Night’s Van Halen Show In Philadelphia

A review. In tweets.

Loyal readers will remember my journey to New York back in January to see Van Halen play for 250 people at Cafe Wha? in Greenwich Village. Last night, I went to the Wells Fargo Center, where 20,000 fans had packed in, to see if the big version of the show was any better. I intended to tweet-review the entire show. Unfortunately, I forgot to charge my cell phone. So here are the 140-character or less tweets I would have sent if I wasn’t so friggin’ irresponsible.

@KoolntheGngLIVE is the most brilliant opening act idea ever. Precisely what an opener should be. Exciting, energetic, and totally fun.

Pete from @ChickiesnPetes is dancing in the aisles to 11-piece @KoolntheGngLIVE playing “Celebration”. #crabfries

The only good part of “Celebration” is the bridge: “It’s time to come together…”

Pierre Robert from @933WMMR just checked in. Says @VedgeRestaurant is awesome. #meatkills

25% of the men over 40 at this show look like @theAdrianBelew.

The women? @LitaFord.

The giant “Comcast Country” sign looming overhead makes me wonder if I’ve paid my cable bill.

I have seen the gong, and it is good. @AlexVanHalen

Wow. All the people in the smoking pen outside look REALLY unhealthy. Glad I quit.

More people are smoking weed at Van Halen than any show I’ve ever been to. Seriously. #contacthigh

@WellsFargoCtr is only place where a big Absolut Ruby + tonic is $8.50 while a pint of Budweiser is $9. Stick with liquor.

These ladies who got free tickets through @VerizonWireless are really wasted. Stick with water.

OMG it is loud in here. Why didn’t I bring earplugs? #tinnitus

Couple in front of me frantically searching for something. Wedding ring? iPhone? #nojustajoint

@DavidLeeRoth is really a buffoon. But I guess that’s why this works. Or maybe it doesn’t…

Wait a second. Does @AlexVanHalen ever actually hit the gong?

Wonder if there are any @PeanutChews backstage. @DavidLeeRoth needs to graduate from M&Ms.

I am REALLY glad I had that chicken fried steak from @TapHousePhilly before the show.

Okay, new songs. Time to pee and get a drink, if I can only get out of these seats. #excuseme

5 people in front of me in bar line. Literally standing here for 8 minutes.

Why can’t I leave a tip on my credit card @WellsFargoCtr? Paging @CouncilmanJimKenney.

Seriously, why is it so loud in here? Do they sell earplugs @WellsFargoCtr?

The hi-def visuals are making me think: When will there be a @PinkFloyd 3D tour, glasses and all? #billion$ideas

I’m sure one day I’ll think it a good idea to have my son play in my rock band. When that day comes, shoot me. @EddieVanHalen

@AlexVanHalen is never going to hit that gong, is he?

My friend and I agree that we’re in danger of damaging our hearing. Thinking of leaving. Paging @KlineSpecter. #lawsuits

Hold on, “I’ll Wait” is one of my favorite @VanHalen songs. I’m a synthesizer geek. One more.

I hear the keyboard but don’t see it. Don’t tell me they are using backing tracks on “I’ll Wait”. Noooooo….

Not only are they using a synth backing track, but @AlexVanHalen is seriously out of time with it. #epicfail

Nice. The security guard is letting us take our drinks outside with us as we make our exit. Rock and roll!

Did I miss @PawnStars?