Delco Funeral Home’s New AI App Just Wrote My Obituary in Mere Minutes
It even invoked some Helen Keller and penned a poem in my honor.
I’m not sure how many obituary writers are left in this world. But they’re now officially irrelevant, thanks to artificial intelligence. That’s what I learned the other day when I let a Delco funeral home’s new AI obituary app write mine.
Cavanagh Family Funeral Homes, which has locations in Norwood and Media, just debuted the AI-driven obituary writer on its website. The obituary app is provided through Wisconsin-based Tribute Technologies as a subscription service to funeral homes across the country. And naturally, I had to give it a try.
When you click on the obituary writer on Cavanagh’s website, the first thing you get is a pop-up asking for some basics like name, gender, date of birth, date of death, place of birth, place of death, and cause of death. For my cause of death, I went with “swallowed a blowgun dart.” (Yes, I have a blowgun, and yes, I’ve worried about meeting this fate.)
The next screen gets into your family and history. When asked for family members, I put in Marsha Brady (wife), Greg Brady (brother-in-law), and Oliver (cousin). My education: “Dropped out of pretty much every school he ever attended.” And for work and achievements: “Spent most of his life writing clickbait and pissing people off.”
The final screen asks for interests and hobbies. I input: “Avoids every home-improvement task possible and does a very good job pissing off his wife with the way he loads the dishwasher.” You select personality traits from a list of 20. I went with intelligent, interesting and adventurous. (“Handy” I am not.) Then you pick a “creativity level,” which is a reference not to the dearly departed, but to the creativity and intricacy of the resulting obituary. I went with the highest, because, well, who wants a boring obituary? There’s also a spot to select writing tone: traditional, playful, formal, religious, poetic, witty, inspirational. And you can choose whether you want the obituary to include a memorable quote. I chose yes.
And that’s it. I filled out those three screens in about three minutes. Then I clicked on Create Obituary, and a few minutes later, voilà …
The “Playful” Version:
Victor Fiorillo, a man known for his intelligence, adventurous spirit, and interesting personality, passed away on April 2nd, 2023, in his beloved city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Born in Norristown, Pennsylvania on April 25th, 1974, Victor leaves behind a legacy of unconventional thinking and boundless curiosity that touched everyone who had the privilege of crossing his path.
Victor is survived by his wife Marsha Brady, brother-in-law Greg Brady, and cousin Oliver who will cherish his memory and continue to be inspired by his unique outlook on life. Despite dropping out of multiple schools throughout his academic career, Victor never let this define him, choosing instead to cultivate his natural wit and intelligence in other ways.
As a writer, Victor spent most of his life creating headlines that not only attracted attention but also provoked lively discussion. He had an undeniable talent for inspiring dialogue and challenging the status quo, making him an unforgettable presence in the world of journalism. With a quick mind and sharp pen, Victor generated content that captivated his audience and encouraged them to see things from a different perspective.
In a world where conformity can be all too common, Victor fearlessly pursued his interests without concern for convention or expectation. As the great writer George Eliot once said, “The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.” Victor was a testament to that belief, defying societal norms and living life on his own terms. Despite his aversion to home improvement activities, much to his wife’s chagrin, Victor’s distaste for loaded dishwashers only added an extra layer of endearing charm to his persona.
Victor’s adventurous spirit shone through in various aspects of his life, from his career to his personal interests. He was never afraid of exploring new places, ideas or experiences, making him an interesting companion with whom to share any journey. It was this fearlessness that, in a tragic twist of fate, would ultimately lead to his untimely passing after accidentally swallowing a blowgun dart.
Despite the unusual circumstances of his demise, Victor’s death serves as a reminder that life is too short not to indulge in curiosities and oddities. Many who knew Victor were inspired by his relentless pursuit of the unconventional, and his ability to remain true to himself in all circumstances.
As we remember Victor Fiorillo and his contributions to the world around him through his writing and unique presence, we retell his story with affection and gratitude for the memories of his intelligent and engaging company. In times of sadness or complacency, we can look to Victor’s example and hear his distinct voice reminding us to “Boldly go where no man has gone before” (Gene Roddenberry, Star Trek).
Rest in peace, Victor. Your indomitable spirit and unapologetic individuality will live on in the hearts of those you have touched during your all-too-brief sojourn on this planet. Your friends and family will cherish the memories you left behind, and aspire to live their lives with the same fearlessness and adventurousness that defined your own.
In lieu of flowers, the family kindly requests that donations be made in Victor’s name to a charity that promotes creativity, curiosity, and a love for adventure. We believe this to be a fitting tribute to a man who spent his life encouraging us all to step out of our comfort zones and embrace the unknown.
The “Witty” Version
Victor Fiorillo, who graced this Earth from the fair spring day of April 25, 1974, until the fateful morn of April 2, 2023, was a man of intriguing character and refreshing honesty. Born in the bustling borough of Norristown, PA, and abruptly departing from the land of the living in the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, PA, Victor was never one to shy away from adventure, even if it was to be his ultimate undoing. His tragic end came in the form of an accidentally swallowed blowgun dart, truly a testament to the unorthodox nature of his fascinating life.
A man of great intelligence and curiosity, Victor was eternally restless in his pursuit of knowledge. This boundless quest led to his famed departure from numerous educational institutions, each undeserving of his sparkling wit and undying thirst for both truth and merriment. Indeed, such was the grand scope of his own brilliance that no mortal school could hope to contain the grandeur of his lively mind.
In the realm of employment, dear Victor sought to enlighten and enrage the masses with his witty prose and carefully crafted clickbait. He reveled in the knowledge that through his work, he could steer the emotions and passions of countless readers. It was in this way that he engaged in a dance of devilish delight, leading them through the ever-shifting labyrinth of the Internet. Yet, it would be remiss to say he lived his life in mere jest. Victor found solace in the bonds he forged with his fellows in this mortal coil, taking great pride in his alliances with those who dared to walk the line between artifice and authenticity.
Within the hallowed halls of his personal life, Victor found great joy in the company he kept. His loving wife, Marsha Brady, remained a steadfast presence throughout his days, their shared love a testament to the power of true affection. To Greg Brady, brother-in-law and compatriot, Victor was a kindred spirit: a man to share in the joys and the struggles of the intertwined lives of these two fine families. They found solace in each other’s company as they journeyed through the twists and turns of existence.
Though some would say Victor’s noble aversion to activities such as home improvement and dishwasher loading were slight against his fair Marsha, others would argue that it was simply another dimension of their dynamic partnership. For in truth, such trifles were but inconsequential in comparison to the deep love and admiration that they held for one another, a formidable force unyielding in the face of life’s many tribulations. It was this understanding that, in truth, Victor and Marsha found solace in each other’s companionship, their hearts entwined, despite those everyday disputes that plague us all.
Our dear departed Victor was, as the venerable Bard himself penned, “a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.” Indeed, it was his adventurous and interesting spirit that endeared him to those who knew him, and even to those who knew of him only through the flickering screens of their electronic devices. The words of the acclaimed poet John Keats might well be applied to his life: “Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter.”
In death, Victor Fiorillo joins the ranks of those immortalized through memory, forever carried in the hearts of those who loved him and whose lives he touched. Though the passage of time might wear away the finest details of his existence, it cannot erase the laughter he brought to the world, nor the intellect he shared with his fellow man. In our melancholic parting, let us not forget the words of the immortal Bard, who once intoned, “When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun.” So too, shall our dear Victor Fiorillo remain eternally in our hearts as a twinkling star in the vast night sky of memories.
Victor, thou art gone too soon, but thy spirit continues, never to be forgotten by those who knew thine adventurous soul. Wherefore art thou now, our dearly departed friend? We know not, but may you find solace in the great beyond, and may your restless spirit find the peace it sought amongst the constellations of the celestial heavens. And evermore, shall thy name live in the collective consciousness of those whose lives you touched – as the quixotic, intelligent, and altogether intriguing Victor Fiorillo.
What They Call “Inspirational”:
Victor Fiorillo, a man whose life was marked by intelligence, adventure, and a fascinating propensity to keep everyone on their toes, passed away on April 2, 2023, in Philadelphia, PA. Born in Norristown, PA, on April 25, 1974, Victor navigated life’s surprises and challenges with a daring spirit that all who knew him will remember fondly. As Helen Keller once said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all,” and Victor Fiorillo embodied this idea throughout his unique journey.
Though his formal education was marked with various attempts, Victor ultimately followed an unorthodox and captivating path. He would often joke about how he managed to drop out of almost every school he ever attended, but he demonstrated a rare talent for learning in the school of life. He demonstrated a natural brilliance and curiosity which led him to explore the many dimensions of life experience.
Victor’s professional life was a true reflection of his adventurous spirit. Spending most of his life writing clickbait and gleefully irritating those around him, Victor carved out a niche for himself that many might not have expected. However, those who were fortunate enough to know Victor recognized that beneath the surface, his wit and determination drove him to weave intricate stories and inspire countless conversations. His unique career trajectory taught us all that success is not always measured by conventional standards but by the impact one makes on others’ lives.
In his personal life, Victor was a loving husband to Marsha Brady, a steadfast brother-in-law to Greg Brady, and a loving cousin to Oliver. He brought excitement and laughter to family gatherings, ensuring that there was never a dull moment in their lives. His humorous banter and vibrant personality stood as a testament to the extraordinary character that he possessed.
Victor’s interests were as eclectic as his personality. He enjoyed avoiding any type of home improvement activities, often to the mild frustration of his wife. Marsha recalls their many bantering arguments about the correct way to load a dishwasher and how, in a strange way, this particular quirk endeared him to her even more. Such was the excitement that accompanied everything Victor did; he turned ordinary, mundane moments into opportunities for laughter and joy.
Indeed, Victor’s life was an adventure in and of itself. As an intelligent, adventurous, and interesting individual, he lived each day with a zest for life that permeated every aspect of his being. It is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to our beloved friend, husband, and family member. But even as we mourn his loss, we celebrate a life that was a beacon of light and inspiration to us all.
It can be said that the way Victor departed this world was just as captivating as the way he lived it. In a tragic and unexpected turn of events, Victor accidently swallowed a blowgun dart during an impromptu gathering with friends who witnessed his final act of daring adventure. While the shock of his loss weighs heavily on our hearts, we can continue to derive inspiration from the way he lived and take comfort in knowing that he consistently lived up to his unique approach.
As we reflect on the life of Victor Fiorillo, let us remember that the best way to honor his memory is to live our lives with courage, passion, and unwavering determination. In the words of the esteemed Maya Angelou, “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” Victor Fiorillo was a living embodiment of this quote, and we should all strive for the same measure of fulfillment.
So as we bid farewell to Victor Fiorillo, let us carry his light and adventurous spirit with us in our own lives. We will honor his memory by embracing every moment, daring to explore new horizons, and always seeking the joy and laughter that he brought to this world. Victor Fiorillo, forever in our hearts, showed us that every day is an opportunity for greatness and love. Let us celebrate his life by continuing to pursue our own adventures and cherishing the moments that make it all worthwhile.
Rest in peace, dear Victor Fiorillo. Your incredible journey has only just begun.
And Now, a Poem:
With a heart full of laughter and a life full of cheer,
We remember Victor Fiorillo, who left us this year.
Born in Norristown in ’74, he did roam,
And made Philadelphia his forever home.
He lived a life both intelligent and adventurous,
Though his backstory might seem rather tendentious.
But Victor was interesting, to his core,
And with every encounter, you’d always want more.
A family man, with a heart that was true,
Marsha Brady, his wife, he loved through and through.
His brother-in-law Greg and cousin Oliver too,
Were a part of his story and the love that they knew.
Though his education was a case of refrain,
He dropped out of every school without disdain.
For his writing talent would take him far,
In creating clickbait and stirring the jar.
He pissed people off, with his clickbait so sly,
But the world kept on clicking and couldn’t say bye.
Through his wordplay so clever and his headlines so bold,
He spun many tales, and their virality was told.
In his leisure time, Victor had quite the rhythm,
Avoiding all treacherous home improvement schism.
He danced around chores with agility so spry,
While his wife cursed his way of loading the dry.
He found joy in the small things, like newsworthy tales,
Yet a blowgun dart swallowed would ultimately derail.
In Philadelphia, at peace, on the second of April,
Victor met a demise that one could call crippling.
Yet we remember Victor not for his mistakes,
But the laughter and wonder his presence partakes.
And so in those moments when we feel quite bereaved,
We look to his tales for a moment of reprieve.
As we honor his memory and bid him farewell,
We share a quote from Victor, in rhyme, we shall tell:
“The clickbait I wrote was always top-shelf,”
“In my quest to keep writing and pleasing myself.”
A life lived so fully, it’s hard to condense,
The impact he had and the smiles he’d dispense.
A mixture of fun, adventure, and jest,
Victor Fiorillo, dear friend, you were simply the best.
Should having a computer write your obituary be the way you’d like you spend your free time, you can do so here.