The Best Thing That Happened This Week: Spoiled Millennials Put a Crack in the State Store System

And thank God for it. Cheers! | m-gucci | m-gucci


Some people — I’m not sure exactly who — have been known to express the opinion that millennials are lazy and spoiled and dripping with entitlement. That they were brought up by hippie-ass boomers who never, ever said no to their special little angels, resulting in an entire generation of Veruca Salts who when they don’t get their way either stomp their feet and scream “I want!” until they turn blue and pass out or endlessly whine “But why not?” until their elders cave in. And I, well, I believe this is true. The millennials suck.

Except. I was in Wegmans the other day with my millennial daughter and son-in-law, who were coming to stay at our house for the weekend. I was picking up dinner. “It would be nice to have some beer,” my son-in-law said, whereupon I sighed: Yet another stop on our way home?

“We can get a six-pack here,” my daughter (she’s a social worker; she picks up on stuff) hastily assured me.

Beer at Wegmans? Since when?

For quite some time, it turns out. For nearly as long, actually, as there have been pop-up beer gardens across the city. And a wonderful park (with beer, and wine, and margaritas) on the waterfront. And now? Now Pennsylvania is going to have wine in grocery stores, just like in civilized states! And beer at the Zoo!

And I would just like to say to those much-maligned millennials: Forgive us. Forgive us for everything we’ve called you, because when it comes to liquor sales in this state, when you asked, “But why not?”— why can’t we have a beer garden, why do we have to go to two different stores to buy wine and beer, why can’t we enjoy a freaking Imperial Hopness Monster and some tasty duck nachos while our kids make faces at the gorillas — and we answered “BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY IT IS AND HOW IT’S ALWAYS BEEN,” you said, “Screw that.” And you just kept asking and stomping and finding those clever little loopholes, and now Pennsylvania’s creaky old state store system is starting to crack. To which we, your less persistent, far more sheep-like elders, raise our glasses in a toast: Salud! Prost! Mazel tov, you lazy, crazy kids, you! Keep up the good work!

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