10 Videos on YouTube We’d Pay to Watch Again
Would you pay for your favorite YouTube video? Monday, the New York Times reported YouTube is planning a subscription service for some channels. As Time TV critic James Poniewozik helpfully pointed out, the reaction in the comments was top-notch Internet overreaction: “What next? Am I going to be charged for the air I breathe?” I also enjoyed, “What’s next, buying a stamp for email?”
Hyperbole in the comments aside, the move doesn’t sound too bad. Certain broadcasters could have subscription fees as low as two bucks a month, the Times reports, and it does seem to be another chance at a revenue stream for independent broadcasters. There’s the chance the broadcasters will give you promo codes to access the content for free anyway. Plus, maybe all those “hilarious” videos of parents who film their kids crying or high on drugs after the doctor will be shifted to a pay-section and I’ll never have to see them again!
But what, if any, content is there on YouTube that you’d be willing to pay for? I thought about it for a full day and came up with 10 videos I’d pay to watch over and over and over again. I tried to spread the genres around instead of just filling it with puppy videos. Enjoy!
Title: Cavalier King Charles Spaniel dogs playing
Proposed Channel: Puppies, obviously
I’m pretty sure YouTube was originally invented to pirate Family Guy episodes. Once YouTube instituted a 10-minute limit, though, it found its true calling: Cute animal clips. Look how cute that dog is when it’s harassing its mother! Aww. If only obnoxious human babies were this adorable.
Title: Never, Ever Give Up. Arthur’s Inspirational Transformation!
Proposed Channel: Inspirational Exercise Videos
Literally the most inspirational video ever made. Arthur weighed 300 pounds and needed two canes to walk around, and now he can do the headstand-to-plank yoga move I’m too lazy to look up the name of. Oh, and it did it with the help of the yoga program from ex-professional wrestler and Illuminati member Diamond Dallas Page. The best!
Title: Kenny Moore Smacks a Heckler in the Head With His Guitar!
Proposed Channel: Old VHS Tapes Transferred to YouTube
Clip contains curse words.
I could watch a whole channel of comedians taking on hecklers—Todd Glass’s rant on a heckler at a show is another personal favorite—but this one with singer/comedian Kenny Moore literally smashing a dude in the head with his guitar is the best. Not necessarily for the actual hit, which isn’t shown on screen, but Moore’s reaction to the hit. He tries to play it off as a bit, asking, “What do you think, folks?” Then, off-screen again, a man yells, “I want my money back!” I want to go to a comedy show this good one day.
Title: We love you, Sal Fasano
Proposed Channel: Sports Highlights They Don’t Want You to See!
I’ve tried to make this a list of completely original-to-YouTube content, but the site still has value as an aggregator of hilarious television bloopers. Maybe YouTube could sell subscriptions to it with a fair use reasoning. Look on Phillies.com and you will find no trace of this play made by Sal Fasano on May 20, 2006. It is the greatest moment in Larry Andersen’s broadcasting career, and major league baseball wants it buried. Thanks, YouTube, for fighting The Man.
Title: High School Prank Gone Wrong
Proposed Channel: Pranks Gone Wrong
The kid’s horrified reaction when he realizes he just punched a guy in a monster mask has made me giggle for years.
Title: Noah takes a photo of himself every day for six years.
Proposed Channel: Actual Interesting Art Projects
Noah Kalina’s Everyday is so freakin’ cool I can’t even hold the fact that he’s from New York against him. It’s become relatively famous, deservedly so, even being parodied on The Simpsons. It’s awesome. Surreal how clever it is in its simplicity. Probably the best YouTube video of all time.
Title: Charlie Schmidt’s Keyboard Cat! – THE ORIGINAL!
Proposed Channel: Cats Playing Pianos
Sorry, Nora, you can have a place on this channel, too, but Keyboard Cat will always hold a place in our hearts.
Title: Siskel & Ebert ’80s Outtakes
Proposed Channel: Television Outtakes
I would pay big bucks for outtakes from all my favorite TV shows, but not the dumb blooper reels you see on DVD sets. I want to see co-hosts of laid-back television shows mock each other mercilessly over pointless things.
Title: Giants Eagles Fans Fight
Proposed Channel: Sports Fan Fights
Is there anything dumber than fighting someone because the 11 strangers you root for happen to be different than the 11 strangers they root for? Well, yes, obviously, but sports fan rights rank pretty low on the stupidity scale. What’s great about the above video is how calm everyone is around the fan fight. I’ve never seen a calmer crowd around chaos. Clearly, fans at Giants Stadium were used to fan fisticuffs; this was one of many.
Title: Pink Noise 9 hrs!
Proposed Channel: Background Noise
Not everything great on YouTube is a basic video. Apart from pausing to watch different YouTube videos, I wrote this entire piece listening to this pink noise in order to concentrate better. I might pay up to three dollars a month for that kind of productivity boost. Way cheaper than amphetamines!