Hunty Games: Save the Drama For Your Madre.
A new episode! After last week’s hiatus, we found ourselves back in the workroom with a re-hashing of that old feud nobody cares about. From the jump, I knew the lip-sync battle America had been waiting for, between Coco and Alyssa, would finally come to fruition. Not because we care about their drama, but because we we’re all ready to see one of them sashay away.
Mini Challenge: The girls had to show off their acting chops with a monologue scene that required them to turn on the water works. This challenge was strange: All the girls in black sitting in a circle with heavily mascara’d eyes pretending to cry over lost partners. Some instantly went for the comedy, like Jinkx, while others tried to make a statement, like Alyssa. But the challenge proved too close to home for Detox, who sincerely let the tears flow after sharing that her ex-boyfriend had passed away two years prior. This upped the awkwardness of the whole thing, leaving Ru speechless. But in the end, this moment of raw intensity led Detox to the win with Alyssa Edwards.
Main Challenge: Two teams were asked to film their own telenovela-style soap opera while displaying as many Latino stereotypes as possible. Alyssa and Detox were team captains. This helped re-shape the clique ROLASKATOX, much to Alaska’s chagrin, and also forced Coco and Alyssa together on a team with Jinkx.
During rehearsals, Alaska seemed hardly amused by the hijinks of her fellow teammates, especially when Detox yet again opted to wear a mask. You would think all the plastic and silicone injected into her face would be mask enough. On the other team, Alyssa was only able to portray overbite, and Jinkx struggled with a Spanish accent. Nonetheless, it seemed like Ms. Monsoon would be the saving grace for this team. But will her camp-tastic ways be enough to save Coco and Alyssa?
While filming, Detox struggled, but ROLASKATOX was in sync. Alaska looked fabulous, later being compared to a south-of-the-border version of Cruella de Vil. She was sincerely funny and the key to this team’s success.
The other team (Cocyssankx?) had many more trials and tribulations — from Coco not knowing her lines to Alyssa not knowing how to orgasm. Jinkx, who not only looked muy caliente during the soap, but portrayed every joke flawlessly, was the standout performance. Girl knows to orgasm. But she wasn’t able to save her teammates, and Coco and Alyssa found themselves in the bottom.
Runway Yes’s: Coco looked stunning in a dramatic mango flounce-bell-sleeved cat suit. (Thanks, Maddy Milan, for helping with the fashion terminology). Roxxxy’s makeup job was the best this season, and maybe the lightest yet. Alaska served us cha-cha realness in a classic red Flamenco dress. She infused some energy in her walk with maracas. The best was Jinkx, who opted not for the stereotypically tacky maracas and Chiquita bananas, but with high fashion goth in a Dia-de-los-Muertos look. Quite the risk, but it surprised and dazzled the judges to her advantage. This look along with her flawless performance brought her to the victory podium … AGAIN! The only queen so far this season to win twice. So proud of our narcoleptic Jewish princess from Seattle. But next week brings the hardest challenge of the season: the makeover. And this may be Jinkx’s downfall. But each season, the queen who takes the crown lip syncs once, so this may be her moment.
Runway Oh-Honey-No’s: The only miss from the bunch was Detox. The pink sombrero was tacky as all hell and her one-piece pant suit failed to make any positive impression. Santino hated Alyssa’s outfit, stating it was the worst to ever grace the runway in five seasons.
Lip-Sync-Off: The moment we have all been waiting for: the Coco v. Alyssa lip-sync-off. And the producers wrung the wash cloth of reality television dry with the last drops of drama. With two seasoned pageant queens with plenty of pathos going up against each other, we knew this would be good. Coco worked the hell out of her costume and made sure the judges knew she was a lip-syncing pro. Alyssa was all over the place at first but landed a jump spin split that made Ru audibly gasp. But it was Coco who grabbed the win from Alyssa , yet again, and sent her home. Finally.
Best Sound Byte: “There is nothing sadder than the tears of a drag queen.” —RuPaul
Tammy’s Top Three: Alaska, Jinkx and Roxxxy. I think Coco’s time to say adieu is near, and Detox has been stumbling lately. I just don’t think the confident queen we saw on Episode 1 has what it takes to email@example.com.