Republic Crumbles As Nation Learns Beyonce’s Anthem Was Lip-Synched

Remember yesterday when we were all stunned and moved by Beyonce’s rendition of the National Anthem? Forget that. Turns out Beyonce lip-synched the anthem, which everybody knows must be performed live or else lose its meaning. “All music is pre-recorded for the ceremony because there are so many eventualities and conditions that day,” said Kristin DuBois, a representative for the U.S. Marine band that (ahem) “accompanied” her. “We performed, live, the band. But we received last-minute word that Beyonce was going to use the pre-recorded vocal track. Those were the instructions we were given. We don’t know what the (sic) reason why.” All we know is that there is nothing real or true anymore. [New York Post]