Dear G Philly: Answering Reader Questions
I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago and she’s already involved with someone else. We hadn’t dated for very long, but I’m having a hard time seeing her all over Facebook kissing her new love interest. To be honest, the reason we broke up was because she over-analyzed everything. We couldn’t watch a movie or have dinner without her getting into a discussion about it. Besides that, things were going well. So my question is, how do I let things go? Is it strange that I’m still feeling something? And is it bad if I called her again?
The first step may be obvious – stop following your ex on Facebook. I know for many lesbians, maintaining ties is par for the course. But if it’s bothering you that she’s back on the dating scene, then that’s your problem – not hers. You aren’t together anymore, which means that she can and should reasonably go about her own business – even if that means locking lips with her new flame.
It’s natural to feel something for an ex so soon after a breakup. Don’t be hard on yourself. But it sounds like you were the one who did the breaking up, correct? If so, it may be time to move on. Or at the very least, be on your own for awhile. There’s nothing worse than kick starting a new romance when you’re still feeling something for an ex.
The real question, however, is whether you want to move on. If you’re regretting the breakup, you need to reevaluate what it was that caused it and whether you would be able to accept the things that bothered you in the first place. If so, then call her. But be prepared for her to not take your call.
My family is going through a lot right now. After being married to my mom for more than 30 years, my dad came out. He talked to me and my siblings recently about his revelation. And it came as a complete shock. None of us had any idea about it. And while I totally accept the idea – he has a right to be himself and be happy – it’s hard for me to get used to the idea. Is there a way to get some perspective?
A lot of times a coming out story has more to do with a young person telling his family he’s gay, so it makes a lot of sense that you may be shocked and confused that your parent did the coming out. There are expectations about what it means to be a parent. But just because your father shared this news with you doesn’t mean he’s giving up being a parent – at all. It just means that he’s reached a point where he wants to be honest with himself and those he loves the most. The fact that he shared this news with you is actually a great thing. He obviously feels that you and your siblings love him and are mature enough to hear the truth.
If you’d like to talk to other children of gay parents, there are lots of groups that provide the kind of support you may be looking for, like PFLAG and COLAGE. Both groups provide insights into the coming out process, and what families need to consider when supporting a loved one. COLAGE specifically is for children with gay and lesbian parents, though PFLAG also has local chapters with regular events and meetings. It may even make sense for your father to join you at these events. It will provide a place for you both to discuss what’s happened and how you can make the most of your relationship. You may even find that if you open up to your dad, he’ll be willing to share more about his life. Chances are he came of age at a time when being gay was very difficult, if not the way many lost their jobs and families. Hearing more about his own realizations may help you better understand his perspective. And your support is only bound to make your relationship even stronger. He’s still your Dad.
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