Kim Kardashian Endorses Gay Marriage … Sort Of

If heterosexual celebrities have taught us anything, it's that everyone deserves the right to screw up their legal unions

Thank you, Kim Kardashian, for providing the latest celebrity endorsement of same-sex marriage. For anyone who just came out of a coma, Kardashian’s holy state of matrimony to basketball star Kris Humphries lasted 72 days–or in the words of Weekend Update anchor Seth Meyers, three episodes of her E! reality show.

Did someone say “reality”? E! shelled out $15 million to broadcast Kardashian’s $10-million nuptials, held Aug. 20 in California, as a two-part special. Even after she filed for divorce, Kim’s Fairytale Wedding stayed in heavy rotation on E! (Call it a fairytale Fairytale.)

So this reflects on same-sex marriage how?

The Kardashian-Humphries union, which some labeled as a publicity stunt, endured for a whopping 1,728 hours. The bride’s initial claim to fame was for her co-starring role–or supporting role, depending on your point of view—in a sex tape with R&B singer Ray J in February 2007.

Despite such impressive bona fides, no one questioned the couple’s right to marry. The union’s short shelf life makes great fodder for humor, but few see it as a condemnation of the institution itself. It’s what celebrities do. The marriage was real, legal and recognized.

This doesn’t mean that the commitment between same-sex couples is somehow more noble. It does mean, however, that queers deserve a chance–legally and nationwide—not to screw up the sacraments of marriage as badly as they have been under the heterosexual celebrity model.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, consider the time trials of the following high-profile hetero espousals:

Britney Spears and childhood pal Jason Alexander (2004): 55 hours.

Dennis Hopper and Michelle Phillips (1970): Eight days.

Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra (1998): Nine days.

Cher and Gregg Allman (1975): Nine days.

Mario Lopez and Ali Landry (2004): 14 days.

Drew Barrymore and Jeremy Thomas (1994): 19 days.

Lisa Marie Presley and Nicholas Cage (2002): 108 days.

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock (2006): 115 days.

Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney (2005): 128 days.

Sense a theme here? Any “marriage” between consenting heterosexual celebrities, regardless of how long it lasts or on whose network it appears, is cause for celebration and enhanced franchising.

But a responsible, same-sex couple that has been together for decades cannot legally marry in Pennsylvania, or in 43 other states. What’s wrong with this picture?

As for Kimberly Noel Kardashian, this is not her first ride in the marriage rodeo. She and music producer Damon Thomas lasted four years before their split in 2004.

She was given a second chance, with an unlimited option for more. Same-sex couples deserve a chance to keep up with the Kardashians.

To read G Philly’s coverage on how Kim Kardashian’s marriage impacts gay rights, click here and here.