Wedding: Relating: Parental Guidance

Your (Number) One and Only

Maybe your parents have always described your boyfriend as a “keeper” — that is, until you actually decided to keep him. Now, you sense some odd vibes directed toward your fiancé. Jaime, a recent bride from Reading, says her mom — who had always loved her longtime boyfriend — seemed to completely flip over the prospect of her daughter’s marriage once it became a reality. “At first, she barely spoke to me,” says Jaime. “And then she really didn’t participate in the wedding planning. But she practically redecorated the whole downstairs — I guess as her coping mechanism. It was about as crazy as I’ve ever seen her.”

Baum-Baicker points out that such reactions are often a result of jealous feelings  toward your soon-to-be spouse. “They can’t believe there’s someone who may be considered more important than them, the people who raised you,” she says. The addition of a husband creates a triangle that’s never been there before: Who is this other? Our child is going to be sharing her attention permanently with someone besides us? If you sense that your parents feel worried about “losing” you, make it a point to keep them in the loop, especially regarding wedding planning, says Baum-Baicker. Spend time alone with them throughout the process, to ease the transition.