Philly Cooks Haiku Contest: And The Winner Is…

Two things I learned during the past week:

1) Philadelphians love poetry

2) Philadelphians have some kind of weird, sexual attachment to the food at both Barbuzzo and Village Whiskey.

In case you missed it, we’ve been having a contest all week to give away a spot as a guest judge at Philly Cooks, coming up on February 22nd. All you had to do? Write a haiku restaurant review of your favorite (or most loathed) restaurant in town. And the response was impressive. We received almost 200 entries–some of them awful (or just plain weird), most of them good, and a few that were excellent.

So you wanna know who won?

First, the honorable mentions.

Brian came through with his thoughts on Modo Mio (and bonus points for proper capitalization):

Among hipster hell
Italian mirage awaits
Your own turista

Alex had some wise advice on dining at Zahav:

How to do Zahav:
Go with five other people
Order everything

Matt hit a nice, if bitter, note on A.Kitchen:

Sikora can cook
Salad dressed in Aimee’s tears
Bad karma tastes good

Shayne had a lovely moment with Rum Bar:

Ropa vieja–
years of sumptuous flavor
each bite, a story

Tex nicely summed up his feelings on Serafina:

Serafina throws
Leftovers in its alley.
Even the rats flee.

Monica gushed over Viet Huong:

Hot broth warming cheeks,
Slurpy love story pho me.
Extra spicy lips.

Hannah got emotional over Osteria:

Pizza! Tears of joy
Then tears of sadness, when I
realize it’s all gone.

Holly posed this question about Cochon:

Pig ears and trotters
Brains, cheeks, hearts and chitterlings
What’s left for scrapple?

And Phil? Well, Phil just had to get something off his chest about Foobooz:

You used to be a
Good site about foodie news.
Now it is just suck.

Yeah, we’re thinking about making t-shirts.

But none of these entries quite rose to the level of simple, spare beauty and deep wisdom shown by Matt in his haiku review of the Morning Glory Diner. Basho would’ve been proud.

Always a long wait
For surly hipster waiters
And homemade ketchup

So you’re our champion, Matt, and your guest spot awaits. We’ll be in touch soon.

But in the meantime, we just couldn’t let this contest come to an end without making special note of the epic haiku, submitted at the last minute by GKM. It broke all of the (very few) rules we had for this contest, and no one haiku/stanza really worked as a winner, but in its full, grand sweep, it was nonetheless amazing. Here it is in its entirety. Enjoy…

“Vegan Girl with a Black Heart”

Black-hearted vegan
how I thought you were the one
two worlds colliding

Tough choices between
me? in search of meat to eat
but you would have none

You missed the return
Resurrection fried chicken
honey glazed sweet love

And burger battles
Village Whiskey, P & K?
Parliament. Churchill.

Grindcore House is great
Royal Tavern sloppy joes
Blackbird slices bliss

Goodbye Horizons
but Vedge has risen forefront
R.I.P. our love

Fatality came
when you refused Fed Donuts
front page NY Times

I hate on seitan
Broken hearted left alone
My meat, she won’t eat

Found a new love now
meals now filled with beef and pork
But I want your buns.