Comcast’s Morning Shows, Ranked
As a cable company, Comcast has always owned a lot of television options. But with its acquisition of NBCUniversal in 2009, it got a bunch more. By my count—i.e., Wikpedia’s list—Comcast has 18 different national channels that broadcast in English: NBC, Cozi TV (on channel 10.2 in Philly) and 16 cable networks.
With such a wide-ranging selection of programming, I figured I’d simplify your morning television watching for you. I included NBCUniversal’s two joint ventures—Esquire Network and TVOne—but didn’t include Comcast SportsNet or other regional networks. As such, here are all 18 Comcast morning show offerings, ranked. For purposes of morning shows, I looked at the hours from 6ish to 9ish from Monday to Friday, with some leeway on either side. (For example, if the show continues on into a drunken fourth hour for some reason.)
18. MSNBC: Morning Joe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UR57wp4RUYE
Perhaps you saw the recent clip where the Morning Joe hosts blame SAE’s racist frat chants on hip-hop music. This sums up this program pretty well. Basically, Morning Joe is a morning show for conservatives and moderates who think they’re liberals. (So, Baby Boomers.) Alex Pareene, now at Gawker, wrote the show “defines everything wrong with contemporary politics.” An avid viewer even commented on Gawker that “the show ought to be renamed Morning Commercials.”
17. NBCSN: Radius. This is a fitness show that’s also pitching NBC’s new workout app. The episodes repeat a lot. The Dan Patrick radio show starts at 9.
16. Cozi TV: Lassie, Infomercials, The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp. This station runs these three shows in order every morning. The only reason to watch Lassie is to hope that this is the episode where Lassie decides, “You know what? Save yourself from the bear this time, Timmy. I’m going to lunch.”
15. Bravo: Real Housewives shows, Southern Charm, Newlyweds the First Year, Vanderpump Rules. The Real Housewives shows are among the only things on TV I cannot watch, and look how many of them you get here! Occasionally, there is a show that is a spinoff of a Housewives show, or a show that is a Housewives show by another name.
14. Syfy: Infomercials, Twilight Zone, Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Witness. This is saved from a lower ranking only because it occasionally broadcasts an hour of Twilight Zone. Sometimes there are ridiculous films, such as Ginger Snaps II: Unleashed (“After losing her sister to a werewolf bite, a young woman begins experiencing some of the same bizarre symptoms.”).
13. E!: Infomercials, E! News, Kardashians, various other E! shows. If you can’t get enough of the Kardashians, they air almost every morning on E! I might start my day with the Kardashians every month and see what happens.
12. CNBC: Squawk Box. This is a stock market show that airs before the market opens. This could be No. 1 for you if you’re boring.
11. Golf Channel: Morning Drive. This is a talk show about golf. Again, this could be No. 1 for you if you’re more exciting than the person who watches Squawk Box.
10. Esquire Network: Knife Fight, Best Bars in America. If Knife Fight were a show about a combat sport and not a show about cooking, Esquire would probably be No. 1.
9. Sprout: A variety of kids shows. As a childless man, I don’t know how to evaluate any of these shows—except Barney & Friends, which sucks. So let’s place it here. LazyTown sounds like an awesome show just by the title. This would rank higher if The Sunny Side Up Show started earlier than 9. (I met Chica at the Comcast Center once.)
8. The Weather Channel: Wake Up with Al, AMHQ. These are morning shows about the weather—a subject I find much more interesting than finance or golf, according to this list. Plus, who doesn’t love Al Roker!
7. Universal HD: Extreme sports, golf, Fantasy Island, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, various USA shows. We’re now into the “channels that show other Comcast channels’ shows” section of the list. Universal HD occasionally shows extreme sports wrap-up, golf and, yes, Fantasy Island for some reason.
6. Cloo: L&O: Criminal Intent, Burn Notice, White Collar, MacGyver, Cops. Cloo mainly shows Criminal Intent—including a long marathon all next week—but if you’re lucky you’ll catch it on a day it’s showing MacGyver.
5. USA Network: Law & Order: SVU, NCIS, CSI. USA shows various procedural dramas—from NBC and other networks—and sometimes you get an excellent SVU episode. Sometimes USA shows a movie, like it did this morning with Fast Five.
4. Chiller: The X Files, Ripley’s Believe It or Not!, Friday the 13th: The Series. Every day, Chiller shows an hour or two of The X Files in the morning. Later, Ripley’s Believe It or Not! is hosted by Superman himself, Dean Cain.
3. Oxygen: My Wife and Kids, Glee, House. Surprised? Me too! But Oxygen tends to show reruns of non-NBC programming, including the funny My Wife and Kids with Damon Wayans and the excellent House. It also shows Glee.
2. TVOne: Sanford and Son, The Jeffersons, Living Single, The Parkers, A Different World. This is the only Comcast channel to show a block of sitcoms in the morning, and some of them (The Jeffersons and Living Single especially) are quite good.
1. NBC: Today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUtEn5tGsSI
This show is fine. You get news, you get entertainment, you get to yell at Matt Lauer when he says something you don’t like. But the real reason to watch Today is not for the actual show. It’s so you can be involved in a soap opera! The drama rarely leaks on-screen, but there are constant rumors in the press over fights between anchors, possible on-air shakeups and whatever else is floating around.
Kiss me, I'm Irish! #StPatricksDay pic.twitter.com/z5JUkv94HO
— TODAY Puppy (@TODAYPuppy) March 17, 2015
Plus, Today now has a puppy. Clearly it deserves the No. 1 slot.
