Philly Mag’s Resident Drone Expert Explains What’s Actually Going On

A photo of Wildwood over the weekend, or the 1996 movie Independence Day? Who’s to say. / Via 20th Century Fox

Check phillymag.com each morning Monday through Thursday for the latest edition of Philly Today. And if you have a news tip for our hardworking Philly Mag reporters, please direct it here. You can also use that form to send us reader mail. We love reader mail!

Philly Mag’s Resident Drone Expert Explains What’s Actually Going On

Can we talk about drones? I’ve been dying to talk to you about drones. See, I have a very occasional part-time gig as drone watcher. Technically, I’m a visual observer — meaning a videographer friend hires me to watch him fly his drone, in accordance with the law. It’s an easy job. Recommended.

Since he’s looking down at the screen on the controller, it’s my job to keep an eye on the drone itself. This usually involves me saying “tree” or “bird” if one of those things looks like it might become an issue, but they rarely are. The device has some built-in sensors to tell you when you’re getting too close to something. A guy told me a hawk attacked his drone once, and I guess it happens because birds are dumb. In my experience, they steer clear, as drones are annoyingly loud and disrupt the air around them quite a bit.

My boss is a very by-the-book dude: doesn’t fly over people, never lets the battery get too low, keeps his insurance up to date, gets special permissions as needed, etc. But not everybody’s like this. Despite some pretty strict FAA rules and fines, it sometimes looks like the wild west out there. And fines aren’t always a deterrent.

There always seems to be a drone or two in the air behind the Art Museum, buzzing over the Schuylkill and I cringe a little when they pass over humans, beavers, bridges, etc. The fear, I suppose, is that if a drone should suddenly lose power, it’ll drop straight down. Never seen that happen.

This whole drone situation — hundreds of people have been spotting and recording lights in the sky, mostly over New Jersey, over the last few weeks — has been a learning experience for the general public. For instance, did you know that unauthorized drones frequently fly over military bases?

“This is not a new issue for us,” says an unnamed spokesman for Picatinny Arsenal and Naval Weapons Station Earle in New Jersey. “We’ve had to deal with drone incursions over our bases for quite a time now. It’s something that we routinely respond to in each and every case when reporting is cited.”

(By the way, the Picatinny sign has a subtitle: “Joint Center of Excellence for Lethality.” Crazy to think that Pineys are out there flying their drones for a little viral mayhem only to face off against guys who advertise their “Excellence for Lethality” in stone.)

Picatinny Arsenal in New Jersey. Great at killin’. / Photograph via U.S. Army

So, knowing all this, let me give you my expert analysis the situation:

1. Some witnesses have reported seeing the drones in the air for “up to six hours.” Your typical off-the-shelf DJI drone battery lasts for about 25 minutes. Some last longer, but six hours? I don’t think so. Conclusion: Aliens

2. What about a Predator-style drone? Those can fly for a long time. Yes, but they don’t hover. Conclusion: Aliens

3. But these drones have the little federally required red and green lights on them. Conclusion: Aliens who obey FAA regulations

4. Some people say they saw the drones spraying something. This is outside a drone’s typical capabilities. Conclusion: Aliens who hate mosquitos

5. Most hobbyists’ drones are like a foot wide, but witnesses say these drones are big, like the size of SUVs. Conclusion: Aliens with kids

And Now, Even More Drone News.

• Somebody hosted a private light show featuring 200 drones in NJ on Saturday night. Great timing, guys.
• Also there was a meteor shower (the Geminids!) over the weekend, which surely complicated things.
• A drone did not crash into the Empire State Building says NYPD.
• If a drone did crash into a New Jersey field last week, nobody has found the debris field.
• The U.S. did not scramble fighter jets to shoot down drones yesterday afternoon, it was just one of those Eagles game flyovers.
• Make room for “Trump Starts Interplanetary War” on your bingo card as the once and future president joined the rather irresponsible chorus of people imploring New Jersey residents to shoot at the drones.
• There’s an NJDrones subreddit, because of course there is.
• Some people on the internet (!) think the drones are searching for radiation. Or are part of a plot by the government to stage a fake alien invasion. Wild to have a real invasion and a fake invasion at the same time.

By The Numbers

~150: Number of people who turned up to watch a Jalen Hurts lookalike contest in Rittenhouse Square on Sunday. The winner, Qualeleb Monfiston of Pennsauken, won Eagles tickets and a year’s worth of coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts.

8:  Rolex watches stolen in an afternoon smash-and-grab at a Philadelphia Mills jewelry store by thieves with a sledgehammer.

61:  Expected high temperature tomorrow. But you aliens just had to have your flashy SUV.

$1,150: Price of a top-row season ticket to watch the Eagles. But hey, you can always resell them — they have the third-highest resale value in the NFL.

$2.1 million: How much money disgraced judge Mark A. Ciavarella Jr. and friends made in kickbacks by sending children to privately owned detention centers in that notorious Kids for Cash scheme. He’d been serving his sentence at home since the pandemic, and still-president Biden just commuted his sentence entirely last week. This is a second chance the wrongly imprisoned juveniles did not get and they are not happy.