Parenting

Here’s What the Feedback on Your Kid’s Report Card Really Means

A local elementary-school teacher translates.


report card comments

What do those report card comments really mean? A teacher translates. Photograph by Stevie Chris

What do your child’s teachers really mean when they drop their end-of-the-semester feedback? One local elementary-school teacher breaks down actual reports.

report card comments

1 This kid is hilarious and, like, Mister Bombastic. But also, might be a player. Keep an eye on that when he gets to high school.
2 Kid is up in everyone’s business All. The. Time.
3 No growth whatsoever.
report card comments
4 Competitive, but smart as hell.
5 Parents, invest in this kid. She’s gonna be the next Sheryl Sandberg.

report card comments

6 This doesn’t actually mean anything; I needed to fill some space.
7 He didn’t produce shit this year, and I basically have to sit next to him in order for him to finish writing one sentence.
8 He’s a tattletale.

report card comments

9 I didn’t say I enjoyed Chloe.
10 She’s an only child, and we can all tell.
11 Kid is beyond stubborn …
12 … and always the victim.
13 She’s in perpetual motion and calls out incessantly, but also she’s cute and charismatic, so she gets a pass.
14 Not my problem anymore. Peace out.

Published as “Report Cards, Decoded” in the September 2019 issue of Philadelphia magazine.