Maybe the Phillie Phanatic Is Hotter Than We Thought
The folks at Jezebel asked: Would you have sex with the Phillie Phanatic? And most of Twitter has answered … yes?
Philly loves the Phillie Phanatic. We’ve invited him to our weddings and our kids’ birthday parties. We’ve imagined him taking Donald Trump’s spot in the White House. Some of us have even paid for his Uber to meet us for impromptu visits.
But now we’re thinking about the Phillie Phanatic in a very different light, thanks to the folks over at Jezebel, who asked the world a question on Thursday evening: Would you phuck the Phillie Phanatic?
Editor Joanna Rothkopf contemplates:
“I have never had sex with a puppet, nor a mascot. Of all the mascots in professional sports, this is also not the one I’d choose to date (Mr. Met is). But is that an automatic no? What about his chef’s hat and fat butt? What about his love of cheesesteaks and respect for the Liberty Bell? What else might he be a phanatic about, other than baseball?”
We know, we’re wondering the same things: Should such a question ever be raised? (John Oliver already made us ponder the situation.) How would that even work, anatomically? We don’t know. We simply don’t know.
And yet, most of the Twittersphere has enthusiastically answered … yes.
— Mike Plugh (@mikeplugh) May 31, 2018
Before we proceed with other reactions (which are rich), we’d like to point out a few comments from the Jezebel staff, who weighed in on the hypothetical situation. They are: “I still maintain that having sex with anyone from Philly is a poor idea,” from Stassa Edwards, and, “Everyone I’ve ever boned from Philly is extremely hot and also a disastrously hot mess,” from Escobedo Shepherd. Thanks, guys.
So. While you ponder this bizarre but pressing question, we’ll leave you with some input from those bold enough to post their thoughts and answers on the internet.
Inspired by the Jezebel story, here is Sexy Phillie Phanatic. pic.twitter.com/GwgDulujW3
— Dan McQuade (@dhm) May 31, 2018
No, Philadelphia sucks
— Paula (@dentonitis) June 1, 2018
Sorry that was supposed to go to a Twitter DM
— Wokemaster, M.B.A. (@thejopw) May 31, 2018
— Stef with an “F”. (@Stefmara) May 31, 2018
Personally, I think I'd take a pass.
— Ben K. (@benyankee) May 31, 2018
Want you to know I just bellowed OH MY GOOOOOOD from here in the depths of my South Philly apartment
— Liz O'Connell (@lizchecksin) May 31, 2018
I thought that was a given.
— Super Bowl Champion Puckish Rogue Brian (@bmac2838) June 1, 2018
— Katy Sheward (@katyNOTperry) May 31, 2018
tbh I think it's a fair question to entertain
— Daniel Gallen (@danieljtgallen) May 31, 2018
Yes next question
— Jimmy Donofrio (@JimmyDonofrio) May 31, 2018
— Prince Priceless (@pfunk3000) May 31, 2018
— k (@likewhatevokay) June 1, 2018
That’s a hard no
— Sheila Young (@nellypup) June 1, 2018
— Brian Hunt (@brianhuntdotcom) May 31, 2018
— maximalalps (@maximalalps) May 31, 2018
— Benjamin Bronson (@punishedbronson) May 31, 2018