Brockton’s Mayor’s Lame-Ass Eagles Tribute
Boy, that Super Bowl loss must have really hurt.
Remember back before the Super Bowl when prominent citizens of New England were busy laying bets with prominent citizens of Philadelphia as to who would win the game? Philly City Council prez Darrell Clarke and Boston City Council prez Andrea Campbell were going to send foodstuffs (our cheesesteaks vs. their cannolis. Boston is famous for cannolis?). Our Art Museum and their art museum would lend famous paintings. Our respective archdioceses wagered charitable donations. Even the zoos got in on the game, promising naming rights to a baby goat to the winner. (A baby goat named Brady wouldn’t have a happy life at the Philadelphia Zoo.) And in an epic Battle of the Boxers, our own Mayor Kenney promised to dress our Rocky statue up in Patriots gear if they won, while Brockton, Massachusetts, Mayor Bill Carpenter vowed to dress his city’s Rocky statue (I dunno, some old dead guy last name Marciano) up in Eagles “team garb” (Carpenter’s description, not ours) if we were victorious.
Well. As we all know, the Birds kicked Patriot ass, and on Wednesday (what the hell took you so long, Bob? Busy drying tears?), Mayor Carpenter finally got around to delivering—in exactly the way you’d expect a fan of the team whose losing quarterback didn’t have the grace to congratulate his winning opponent would. He brought in a crane and looped a single measly Eagles banner around the Marciano statue. No Eagles beanie. No Foles jersey. No hoodie, no wristbands, no socks. Just a teetering toga hanging by a string. It’s true: There is no class in New England. Oh, hey, Boston Magazine? Thanks for the beer!