Forget Crisco and Gear Oil: Ten Better Ways to Keep Eagles Fans Off Light Poles

We rounded up some of the internet's best recommendations, from barbed wire to lube to, um, Cheez Whiz.

greased light poles, eagles fans

Photo illustration by James Paris. Photos by Getty Images.

On Tuesday, we told you that Philly police won’t waste any more time or Crisco by greasing light poles ahead of the Super Bowl.

Apparently they’ve got another trick in store: gear oil. We hear it feels like molasses, smells like death, and stains like nothing else. (So you might want to think twice before rising to the challenge in your favorite Eagles jersey.)

Gear oil doesn’t sound very fun, but we love the creativity going into attempts to deter even the wildest of Eagles fans from scaling the city’s streetscape. We’ve compiled a list of several other things (with the help of Twitter) that might do the trick. After all, everyone loves a good challenge.

1. Electric Current

This is, by far, the most suggested option on social media, which perhaps says something sinister about Philly. Or maybe it just says Patriots and Vikings fans are offering their unsolicited advice.

2. Razor/Barbed Wire

Again, an ugly but popular option.

3. Lube

That’s right, Pornhub has officially offered the two 55-gallon drums of lube.

We’re not sure whether or not Philly police will accept based on their Twitter reply:

4. Vaseline/Petroleum Jelly

Very sticky. Apparently New Orleans uses this tactic.

5. All Kinds of Oil

We’re thinking baby. Or vegetable. Or coconut. Or canola. Or olive. You name it. Bonus points if you pair it with vinegar – a classic combo.

6. Cheez Whiz

Admittedly, we’re not sure if this will deter or attract Eagles fans.

7. Poison Ivy

Could be difficult and time-consuming – but probably very effective.

(For the record, that tweet is a joke. Police are not actually considering this option.)

8. Sriracha

Hot, hot, hot.

9. Gorilla Glue

You’d have to think twice before committing to scaling that light pole.

10. The Cold

The forecast low on Sunday is 33 degrees Fahrenheit. Maybe that’ll be enough to keep even the most daring of Eagles fans off the city’s light poles. Maybe.

And finally, the answer to the question you’re all secretly (and regrettably) wondering: