10 Pretty Amazing DNC Craigslist Hook-Up Attempts
We’re living in strange, uncertain times. Scott Baio has a job. Donald Trump is being mistaken for a presidential candidate. Dan McQuade is being mistaken for Brad Pitt. Philadelphians have declined to vandalize perfectly good property. In the immortal words of Peter Venkman, “Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria!”
One thing you can still count on? When on a business trip, Americans will troll for weird sex on Craigslist. Some things change, but some things, thankfully, stay the same. Here are some safe(ish) for work DNC Craigslist hook-up attempts.
“Here for the convention but seeking a spontaneous, erotic, and safe encounter with a woman who wants the same. What happens in Philly, stays in Philly” -mw4
Disclaimer: This is patently false. Unlike Vegas, what happens in Philly is usually followed by a deep sense of shame and regret.
“I am pretty well educated and am involved with the party at the local level. Coming into town. I do love feet.” -m4w
As far as Craigslist foot fetishists go, this guy is a catch.
“So you make the short/long drive or take a flight to Philly for the DNC and now what? Obviously you have the convention but beyond that isn’t there a little fun to be had? I am not a pro or some model.” –m4w
Warning, fair delegates: Philly’s standards for “pro” and “model” are alarmingly low, so maybe take that into consideration. (See also: “VIP”)
“I was walking into the office this morning and was amazed by all of the sexy out of town women walking around. Who’s up for drinks on Wednesday or Thursday evening?” -m4w
It’s true—the DNC crowd is way better looking than the Pope tourists. God bless America.
“I will be prowling the city in search of the elusive Donkey. I seek a fun loving woman to explore the city. Obviously due to the heat we will have to stop regularly to hydrate appropriately.” -mw4
Note to the DNC Host Committee: You knew “Donkeys Around Town” was going to turn into a gross, weeklong ass pun, right? Look what you’ve done.
“Great looking Bernie Supporter at national Democratic convention. Very unhappy about Hillary. Desire Nice Looking Female any size with same feelings” -m4w
Good luck with all that, Bernie Bro. Not even I hate myself this much.
“Coming for the Democratic convention? Smart, progressive, slightly kinky couple looking to share our bed. We’re in Center City in the Art Museum area with great restaurants and watering holes.” -mw4w
When you live in Fairmount, sometimes you have to get crafty to convince people to make the trek. Well played, guys.
“Convention in town this week. Looking to have a lot of fun. Was just down at the MSNBC tent. #FeelTheBern” -m4w
“Feel the Bern” vs. “Make America Great Again!”: At least one can be cured with antibiotics.
“Seeking a hot delegate or someone at least in town for the convention (like a frisky protestor) who wants to spend some of that morning down time feeling something productive.” -m4w
And who said the party wasn’t unified?
“We made eye contact multiple times today. It looked like you were having people sign some sort of petition. I thought you were incredibly cute.” -m4m
These two getting together might be the most productive thing to happen at the DNC. Do it for your country, gentlemen.
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