This Photo of Ted Cruz on Princeton’s Debate Team Will Haunt You

The future senator carries a big stick. How big do his hands look to you?

Photo | Princeton University

Photo | Princeton University

The Daily Princetonian, the student newspaper of Princeton University, has reported on this year’s 70th Annual Latke vs. Hamentaschen Debate, sponsored by the American Whig-Cliosophic Society, which, incidentally, is celebrating its sestercentennial this year. (That’s 250 big ones, yo.) In case your college degree isn’t draped in ivy, Whig-Clio, as it’s known by twats, is the nation’s oldest collegiate debating society and was founded by such upstanding citizens as James Madison and (brr) Aaron Burr. (Its headquarters are at 1 Whig Hall on Princeton’s campus.)

Notable Whig-Clio alums include former New Jersey Governor William Paterson (class of 1763); the aforementioned Madison (class of 1771); Henry “Light-Horse Harry” Lee, father of Robert E. (class of 1773); F. Scott Fitzgerald (class of 1917); Ralph Nader (class of 1955); and Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito (class of 1972). But the only alum we care about is Ted Cruz (class of 1992), current candidate for the presidency of the United States of America, who presumably argued on Team Hamentaschen when his time came round, since the triangular pastries commemorate “the salvation of the Jewish people in ancient Persia from Haman’s plot ‘to destroy, kill and annihilate all the Jews, young and old, infants and women, in a single day,’” and Ted Cruz is as anti-Persia as they come.

And we care about Cruz, not because of his presidential run, but because of this article asking members of his eating club, Colonial, what they think of him and his candidacy (sample: “I feel like having watched the debate we were like, ‘Oh yeah Ted Cruz is there, it’s cool he was in Colonial!’ But it was mostly like, ‘He doesn’t really seem to be competitive in the process,’ so we weren’t really paying attention to him”), which contains two really awesome photos of Ted back in his undergrad days (one of them is above), which we promise will haunt you should he ever be elected, and possibly even if he isn’t.

Oh, this year Team Hamentaschen won.

Follow @SandyHingston on Twitter.