People Who Have More Sex Make More Money

And three other ways indulgence is good for you.

Now here’s a study I can get behind: People who have sex 4 times or more per week make more money than those who don’t.

This is a study that would be pretty easy to make fun of, to poke holes in, but… I don’t wanna. I wanna believe.

The survey sample is big: 7, 500 people. The age range is wide: 26 to 50. I don’t know what to say about the fact that it was done in Greece, I mean, I’d like to think that everyone in Greece is having a lot of sex — how could you not with all those white billowy curtains and wine?

This study is supported by another in Germany which found that people who weren’t sexually active made 3.2 percent less money than those who were. Germans are usually good at studies and stuff, right?

I do have some questions, though. Like, does it matter who you are sleeping with? Or how good the sex is? I acknowledge wholeheartedly that size matters, but what about the duration of the relationship? How does that factor? What about college students? I mean, they mostly have sex four times a week, but all in one night, so is that why they don’t have any money?

These are exciting times. Earlier this month Barry Komisaruk, an American scientist who has studied female pleasure since the 1960s, tells us that orgasm is better for the brain than crossword puzzles or sudoku. “Mental exercise… increases brain activity but only in relatively localized regions. Orgasm activates the whole,” says Komisaruk. He also believes the orgasm can alleviate the pain of depression, anxiety or drug withdrawal. Can everyone holla?!?! It’s vindicating to know that all the times I walked away from some ornery bastard and thought, “Gee. he/she needs to get laid!”—I was right!

I love when studies like these come out: Eat chocolate! Drink red wine! Have sex!!! It’s kinda the way I live, or the way I want to live anyway, so I’ll take the validation, the feel-good implication. This is as exciting as the Times report earlier this year about lower mortality rates for those with higher BMI’s.Kinda makes me want to turn to my more austere “sisters” and say, “Oh. I have this fat layer, but I am going to live much longer than you, albeit in double digit clothing sizes. I’ll probs still be happier than you, too, but whatevs.”

Good times, my friends, good times ahead. Let us not ignore this prescriptive as well: Eat a steak; ward off dementia and Alzheimer’s.