15 Questions for Maddy Milan

"When I filed for witness protection, a drag queen in Philly was the only spot they had, so I took the job."

The first time I saw Maddy Milan (aka the quite dashing Michael Meyers), she was performing on a makeshift wooden stage at Tabu. She was dripping in diamonds, her hair was coifed like one of the fanciest Mad Men brunettes and she was strumming a toy guitar to some sweet little Dolly tune. The queen — some kind of Wanda JacksonJoan Collins hybrid — did seem to be a little off-her-rocker, though. She just stood in the middle of the stage, eyes a little blank, head tick-tocking side to side like a Bobblehead on Xanax. Actually, come to think of it, she probably was on something, because as the song went on she started to disrobe to reveal a full-body nylon suit equipped with the droopiest boobs this side of the new LGBT Senior Housing Complex. She just stood there, swinging those puppies all over the place. The crowd loved it, we erupted in cheers that quickly turned to gasps when the dress hit the floor to reveal a stuffed penis that practically hung to her knees. I was a little stunned at first, but when that wore away, I realized I was starring at one of my favorite new drag queens in Philly — or at least the huge penis of one of my favorite new drag queens in Philly.

This weekend, you can see Milan when she hosts the White Diamond Ball, a swank party at Voyeur that benefits ActionAIDS. Will the ditzy queen be able to keep it classy at this party that suggests its guests show up in formal attire? This week, I sent her a list of questions to get a feel for her state of mind going into Saturday.

What’s your Philly connection? When I filed for witness protection, a drag queen in Philly was the only spot they had, so I took the job … But please don’t tell anyone; it’s supposed to be a secret. When are you happiest? After I’ve had a drink. What’s your most fabulous possession? My sparkly earrings and my leopard coat … sometimes that’s all I wear teee he he he. Describe the perfect night in the Gayborhood in three words. Hotdogs downstairs …Voyeur. What turns you on? Crisco … I’m a sucker for a man who can grease a pan. If you were exiled to an island and could only take one Philly drag queen, who would it be and why? Only one? What if I took all of them and left them there? We could film it and call it I Will Survivor. The one book everyone should read is … Do they still make books? That’s so old timey, ggeeeezzz get a computer and read G Philly blog, duh. If your life was a country song, what would it be called? “Gotta Get Off the Sauce” Who would play Maddy in a movie about her life? Lindsey Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor directed by John Waters. Where is your favorite place in the world? I’ve never been but I hope it’s Las Vegas, and if not there then the basement of Voyeur with a hot dog in my mouth. What do you consider to be your greatest achievement? Getting home with my hair still on and both shoes. Haven’t lost any of them yet. What do you abhor about one of your friends? Is abhor a word!? I’ve never heard that … I’m gonna need to google that and get back to you. Who is your diva inspiration? Liberace. What is your life motto? You have to try everything on your plate even if you know you aren’t going to like it … You NEVER know. I feel gayest when … Hahahhaha when I’m conscience … And even sometimes when I’m not.

The White Diamond Ball takes place tomorrow, Sat. May 10, from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. Proceeds benefit ActionAIDS. For tickets and more info go here.

Other questionees:

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