Hunty Games: Sugar Balls to the Wall

Every week, Philly drag queen Tammy Faymous recaps the latest episode of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Final four. I never knew too much about basketball, but balls I am an expert on. And these four queens returned to the workroom after Coco’s elimination balls ablazing. With ROLASKATOX still in the competition so close to the end, Roxxxy made it clear that Jinkx was outnumbered and in their crosshairs.

Mini Challenge: The girls had a good old-fashioned bitch fest with puppets inspired by each queen. Detox got Alaska. Alaska got Roxxxy. Roxxxy got Jinkx. Jinkx got Detox. I’m sure (read that with a sarcastic tone) producers had nothing to do with Jinkx’s most hated enemy got her. When pulled out, Roxxxy instantly labeled her puppet Chucky and gave her a sour mug.

So no surprise her impersonation of Jinky was all shade and no fun. She dug so far deep by calling Jinkx a bitch at one point. Detox and Jinkx fell flat, but it was Alaska who creatively and humorously made fun of Roxxxy. Ripping wig after wig and tear-away reveal after tear-away reveal on her puppet, she made the other queens including Ru giggle with glee.

Main Challenge: The queens were asked to create three looks for a Sugar Ball. The first two, Super Duper Sweet 16 and Sugar Momma Executive are created from the drag bags they bring to the competition. But the third, Candy Couture, is made on the spot with real candy the girls have to fight for. Alaska got first dibs because she won. Also, because of her win, she was made choreographer of the opening “Sugar Babies” opening number.

Guest judges were Marg Helgenberg from CSI (random) and the incredible Bob Mackie. Ru reminded us that Cher was brought into this world naked, and the rest was Bob Mackie. Here’s how each queen stacked up:

Bullly. She spent the entire episode bullying Jinkx. No Drag Superstar would treat another queen this way. Her lack of respect and malicious behavior is disgusting. This makes me hate her drag. I’m not even wasting too much time on her. Her Sweet 16 made her look like a slut, her Sugar Momma was fierce but predictable and her Candy Couture bored me. The color palette was gross. The judges liked her choices and she was safe.

With little experience sewing and being a weak dancer, I was worried for Alaska. But hunty pulled it out. With simple choreography, the Sugar Babies number was a success. She committed to her Sweet 16 character as an obnoxious and annoying daddy’s girl. Her Sugar Momma was bleach blond with a pixie cut and dressed in slacks and a blazer. Bitch took a risk getting on that runway in pants and short hair, but it paid off and the judges only admired her for the choice. Finally, her candy couture was Cotton Candy head and toe and looked so good you’d wanted to eat it. All this led Alaska for the win, narrowly beating out Roxxxy.

When Ru asked Jinkx about her Candy Couture inspiration, her response was “Christmas in July candy cane reindeer monster.” With this confusing direction and a lack of knowledge about costume crafting, the cards were dealt against Miss Jinkx. Which was especially apparent when she fell asleep while sewing and gluing. Her couture was an epic fail but even her drag-bag concoctions were pretty tasteless. She went for kitschy fun with a head mistress neon orange look for Sugar Momma, but her Sweet 16 was the worst. Nothing sweet, she went for hippie Burning Man flower child who may have taken too much Molly. It failed. All this landed her in the bottom to lip-sync for her life for the first time.

Detox went for an easy Pink Lady look for Sweet 16 that scored well with judges. Her Sugar Momma brought some fatal attraction fierceness to the runway. But it was her tasteless and tacky couture that landed her in the bottom. Her color choice of neon green didn’t resemble candy, and the black-licorice accents didn’t work. Her alliance with Roxxxy, if anything, hurt her, because Roxxxy didn’t give her the constructive criticism she desperately needed. Also, she had trouble working the outfit, stumbling and tripping over the bulky train on the runway.

Lip Sync: Lip sync was crazy. My friend Evan’s thought: “Jinkx served hilarious opera flamenco realness.” Detox did a great job, but Jinkx out-lip-synced and surprisingly out-danced her. So we bid adieu to Detox, finally ending the clique-y drama that ROLASKATOX brought to the competition. Good for Jinkx for sending one of them home. She has two more in her path to the crown and I hope she turns it out next week. RuPaul’s Drag Race ain’t no team sport, and these girls are finally learning that.

Best Sound Byte: “I think Jinkx was thrown under the bus by ROLADEX.” —Michelle Visage.

Tammy’s Prediction: Winner? Alaska! I think Roxxxy has showed that she lacks the respect needed to be crowned, and Jinkx is fierce … but our next superstar ? Alaska has style, edge, respect, an amazing sense of humor, compassion and love.

Who do you think will win, hunties?

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