Deadspin Says the Eagles Suck and You Deserve It

Deadspin’s Drew Magary has spent the past month or so hilariously eviscerating every team in the NFL based on the premise that every team has more haters than fans. Finally, on Thursday, we were treated to the reasons that the Eagles will suck so hard in 2012.

1. Andy Reid

“His continued presence on the sideline feels like some kind of sadistic prank Jeff Lurie is playing on the entire city. Secretly, he must cackle with evil delight while watching Reid botch timeouts and call for fullback dives on fourth-and-3.”

2. Analysts Love Him Regardless

“Mike Vick could be on fire, and Andy Reid would still walk to find the extinguisher. Analysts live in this alternate reality where Reid is one of the great coaches of the NFL and that reality is a LIE. Andy Reid is the worst.”

3. Michael Vick

“This is a patchwork team coached by a glorified mall cop and led by an erratic QB who can’t stay healthy. They’re screwed.”

4. Eagles Fans

“You could win eight Super Bowls and give every single one of these people a new car, and they’d STILL find a way to bitch. The players are never tough enough. The coaches are never smart enough. Only Phil from South Philly has all the answers, and he’s more than happy to explain them all to you.”