How to Tell If You’re Too Dumb for Twitter

Top 10 clues that you should just step away from your phone.

Global warming must be frying our brains, yo, because there’s been a rash of incidents of blatant Twitter stupidity in the past few weeks. Just in time for fall and the new school year, here’s a crash course in how to tell whether you’re simply too much of an idiot to have a Twitter account.

1. If you’re a Swiss Olympic soccer player and you don’t know the difference between Korea and Mongolia, you’re too dumb for Twitter.

2. If your flight is delayed and you think it would be funny to tweet a joke about blowing up the airport, you’re too dumb for Twitter.

3. If you’re a junior staffer for a U.S. Senator with access to her official Twitter account and get it confused with your own private account, you’re too dumb for Twitter.

4. If your job title is “social media specialist” and you use your government agency’s Twitter account to announce that your co-workers leave the office at noon to play golf, you’re too dumb for Twitter.

5. If you’re a flight attendant and you tweet “Hahaha” after a plane crash kills 45 people, you’re too dumb for Twitter.

6. If you’re a CNN reporter who’s already been in trouble before for anti-gay tweets and you suggest your followers “smack the ish” out of any guy who likes David Beckham’s Super Bowl underwear ad, you’re too dumb for Twitter.

7. If you’re a deputy attorney general and you suggest police should “use live ammunition” to clear protesters out of the state capitol, you’re too dumb for Twitter.

8. If you’re an American Olympic swimmer and you think the game is “Rock, Paper, Siccor,” you’re too dumb for Twitter.

9. If you’re Courtney Love, you’re too dumb for Twitter.

10. And finally, if you’re tweeting about how you’d sure like to get your hands on some pornographic images of children, you really are just too dumb for Twitter.