The 10 Craziest Quotes From Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

On Wednesday night, TLC premiered the first two episodes of a new reality show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Honey Boo Boo, also know as Alana Thompson, first appeared with her mother, known as Mama June, on the much-griped-about-but-highly-rated Toddlers & Tiaras.

The Thompsons have earned a reputation for being, um, a little uncultured and crazy. The show’s opening credits feature the family standing cheerfully in front of their home in Georgia … until Mama June rips a fart, which elicits shrieks from her four daughters. Aaron Sorkin’s high-brow entertainment this is not. But if you’re into cheap giggles, peep some of Honey Boo Boo‘s finest moments.

When introducing her family, Alana makes sure to describe everyone accurately. “I have three sisters. Pumpkin is the craziest. Anna is the pregnantest. And Jessica is my favorite, like my BFF.”

Raising teenagers means a lot of primping time. But Mama June makes sure to keep the girls grounded. “Golly! Y’all smell like hairspray and desperation over there.”

It’s hard to manage the bathroom when you have five women in one house. So Mama June got creative: “Our hair has always been washed in the kitchen sink … It’s not like dirtyness or nothing. When you take a bath, you’re sitting in your own filth so you don’t want your hair to be nasty.”

Healthy eating is important to the Thompsons. One morning, Mama jokingy asked her daughter if she was “going for the breakfast of champions.” Her daughter replied, “What? Cheeseballs?” and then proceeded to stuff them in her face.

Fashion advice from Mama June: Big girls, cover yourselves up, because “all that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimous.”

Mama June wouldn’t let the girls going swimming because she was fearful of infected water. Alana was a tad jealous of the other swimmers and screamed, “I hope y’all are getting that flesh-eating disease! I’ll laugh!”

When daughter Jessica—nicknamed Chubbs—asks Mama June to help her lose weight, Mama agrees, although she’s comfortable with her body. Jessica plans to use her mother’s weight-loss technique: “My mother has told me in the past that if you fart 12 to 15 times a day, you can lose a lot of weight.”

During the Redneck Games, aspring beauty queen Alana competed in the mud flop competition (which is exactly what it sounds like). She said, “I like to get in the mud because I like to get dirty like a pig.”

Mama and her baby daddy Sugar Bear want to cheer up Alana after losing a pageant so they bought her a teacup pig. Alana was delighted and exclaimed, “We’re gonna make you a pageant gay pig!”

When describing female genitalia during her daughter’s ultrasound, Mama June equates anatomy to food. Because if a biscuit is “cooked right,” like those “from Hardee’s or something,” it looks like a vulva.