Catholic Church Has More Important Advice for Women

Stop being so damned picky and just tie the knot!

A few weeks back, I wrote about how the Catholic Church was cracking down on rabble-rousing nuns who despite Rome’s exhortations continue to care more about social justice issues like affordable health care than about cracking down on gay rights and abortions. This week, a priest in the Archdiocese of Melbourne, Australia, is telling females to get over themselves and get married to loser guys.

Young hussies today, opined Father Tony Kerin, are “too choosy” in looking for a mate: “I think many are setting aside their aspirations for later, but by the time they get around to it, they’ve missed their chance.” In trying to have it all, Father Kerin cautioned, the breastified will “end up missing out.”

I could say a few things about marriage and missing out and taking relationship advice from celibate guys belonging to an organization that’s proven to be a haven for pedophiles, but that would be a cheap shot. I will note that Father Kerin, not content with advising women to rush to exchange eternal vows with questionable fellas, also warned us not to shack up without the benefit of matrimony. I will mention that Australian priests are such stalwart proponents of marriage that one of them recently admitted to having been secretly married for a year. He, of course, was promptly excommunicated. (What happened to what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander?) I’ll also point out that Father Kerin is trying to close the barn door after the horse has fled, since 78 percent of  Aussie couples currently cohabit without the benefit of matrimony. So good luck with that, Father K.

Funny. You’d think, matrimony being a holy sacrament and all, the Church would want women to ponder it carefully and not rush into a lifelong commitment simply for the sake of being married. But then you’d also think the Church would have more pressing problems than going after hardworking nuns caring for society’s bottom-dwellers. And again, you’d be wrong.