Women Over 30: Get That Ring Now!
Dear Monica, I am 36 and have been dating a guy for two years. He says I am the one. The only problem is that he does not seem ready to take the plunge. What is he waiting for? —M.H., Radnor
Let me be blunt. Women don’t have the luxury of time. Men do. Women have a window of opportunity if they want a family. Men can wait as long as they want. They can date for years because their biological clocks aren’t ticking. You need to ask yourself if staying with this man during a time when you need to be focusing on finding a life partner and starting a family is a good idea.
It seems to me that you may be missing out on opportunities to meet someone who will commit to you fully.
Since you are no longer in your 20s and you are concerned about the permanence of this relationship, you need to come to the realization that dating at your age is not a dress rehearsal if you desire a family. At this stage, you are dating to see if the two of you are compatible and have long-term potential. Now is the time for a frank conversation. What are his future goals for your relationship? Do they mesh with yours? If he is head-over-heels in love, he should be able to make a commitment. If he can’t commit, you need to understand why. Is he looking for something greener or is he just not marriage minded? There could also be a problem that you are not factoring in like financial stress or his own ambivalence. Don’t be a mind reader. Have you ever discussed his feelings regarding kids and forever after?
Wanting to be with someone who wants to marry you isn’t selfish or demanding. If that is what you desire then that is what you deserve. Expect nothing less and don’t be afraid of the truth. Strong women take charge of their relationships and need to make the right decisions for themselves. Don’t allow the fear of being alone—or your ego—to guide the way. It is better to be on your own than to be unhappy or settle for the wrong guy.
If your current boyfriend does not work out, take a pause and know that all good things come to those who wait. You and your guy may have been comfortable with each other, but if you sense that you’re stuck in neutral, it is time to move on. To this end, if you still want him, assess the situation and tell him to either establish a plan for the future, buy a ring, or say goodbye.