Sleep Around This Summer

Tips for staying safe (but emotionally unattached) while dating over the next few months

Dear Monica, I am newly single and I’m looking forward to a stress-free, fun, no-strings-attached summer. Is going out and having a fling necessarily a bad thing? — J. P., Springfield

It’s summertime (almost)! The traffic will soon be flowing to the Shore and Rittenhouse Square will settle into a relaxed pace. If you have stayed with the same guy all winter because you did not want to be alone for the holidays or Valentine’s Day, now is the time to throw him to the curb and get out of your rut. Perhaps a fling is just the answer to your romantic malaise. Here are some tips to consider before embarking on your lusty adventure.

  • Why can’t a woman be like a man? Guys can take a girl out, sleep with her and never call her again. A man can date around, not get attached and get away with it. Take your cues from men and be the initiator. You decide when the relationship is on or off.
  • Be assertive. Chat up the cute guy in line at the dry cleaner or the hottie at the bar. Remember, you are not looking for your future husband, but rather some summer fun. You have nothing to lose and you are in the driver’s seat.
  • Watch out for your reputation. While having a fling can be exciting and care-free, you do not want this to be your regular routine. It will eventually end and you want to look back with no regrets.
  • Be careful about  who you choose to have a fling with! You do not want to have a fling with someone who you would consider to be boyfriend material. A fling is liberating and noncommittal. If you meet someone whom you think has potential for the future, you want to take things slow and get to know him before jumping into bed.
  • Don’t get emotionally involved. Flings are fleeting and in the moment. You can’t expect the man to call, ask you out again, or text you in the morning. If you embark on this route you have to have no expectations for a relationship.
  • Don’t be reckless. Always let your girlfriends know where you are and whom you are with. There may be a lot of nice guys out there, but you can’t trust everybody. Practice safe sex and common sense when it comes to your own safety.

Summer is a time to relax, let go and enjoy.  Keep in mind that the season—and your flings—must come to an end. Eventually your fling will become boring and run its course. It is best to keep your dalliances few and far between, but memorable. You never want the “magic moment” to overstay its welcome.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles. Please send your questions to: