Ladies: It’s Better to Be Alone

Partnering with the wrong person will only leave you miserable

Dear Monica,  After reading your blog last week about why men settle, I thought it would only be fair if you wrote about why women settle in a relationship rather than continually dating. — A.M.,  Cheltenham

Yes, many women do settle down mainly because they fear they will be left on the shelf.  News flash: It is better to be alone and looking than to be with the wrong person. Here is a list of the most common reasons why women don’t bail on bad relationships.

  • You have convinced yourself that it’s normal not to feel sparks at this point in the relationship … after all, in 10 years they’ll be gone anyway so you might as well marry your best friend!
  • You’ve been dreaming of your wedding since you were a little girl.
  • You’ve been dating since you were 15 and you’re tired.
  • Mind-blowing orgasms.
  • If you’re a bridesmaid one more time and have to fake that you are completely happy and content being single, you will die!
  • Your family and friends adore him.
  • You’re supposed to be with him.
  • He’s perfect on paper.
  • Your parents are getting older and you want them to have grandchildren.
  • You despise the singles’ scene and avoid it like the plague.
  • Your biological clock is ticking and you think he’d make a great dad.
  • You can’t bear the thought of another bad blind date.
  • Let´s be honest, your best friend’s engagement ring looks amazing on your left hand.
  • You’ve seen who your friends date, and you aren’t so sure the grass is greener on the other side!

Any of these reasons sound familiar? Don’t fret, because there is good news. If you haven’t tied the knot yet, it´s not too late to do something about it! Get it together, because the only thing worse than being single and miserable is being married and miserable. Don’t fall victim to the trend of lowering your standards and settling down with someone you know isn’t your ideal long-term partner.

Take charge and switch gears. Keep your standards realistic but high, and wait to make a commitment only when your heart and head tell you it’s for all the right reasons. Settling is the quickest road to misery, chaos and having a divorce attorney on speed dial. If you stay in an unhappy relationship, many missed opportunities will continue to pass you by, leaving you stuck in neutral or even worse, in reverse.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.
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