The Straight Guide to Buying Holiday Gifts for Gay Friends
I enjoy lavishing friends with tokens of love and appreciation during the holidays. Allow me to break down my gift list with some mildly offensive, sweeping generalizations just in time for Black Friday.
Locavore Vegan Organic Hipster: This fancy Nancy swans about the farmers’ market with a hip, reusable shopping bag filled with exquisite produce. He/she is bone thin, subsisting on quinoa, kale and self-satisfaction. What better way for them to tout their commitment to local fare than a Philly Food Trust “Farmers Rock” T-shirt? Extra small, of course. Other ideas: Milk and Honey‘s Summer in the City honey (while supplies last); a solar waving queen from the Big Green Earth Store; or an essential shopper’s card from Essene Market.
The Unrepentant Lush: Alas, there’s no other way to put it, this pal is a drunk. But they are also so much fun, especially when they are wasted. What better time than the holidays to be self-serving and to shine a light on yourself as an enabler? Clearly a sensible gift certificate to the PA Wine & Spirits Store is in order. Other ideas: Urban Outfitters‘ handlebar mustache corkcrew or (go for the gold) an ice luge from Kitchen Kapers before hitting nearby Stir for a nightcap.
Courtesy of Sugarcube
Femme: She’s a pretty lesbian lady (and a regular at those Stimulus parties) constantly hit on by clueless dudes. Keep the orientation waters muddled and opt for a bauble from Verde, a femme accessories wonderland, or any number of chic options – like tunics, panel shirts, skinny legging pants or chain wrap bangles – at Third Street Habit. Other ideas for the out-of-towner: a top from Charm in Collingswood or a scarf from Artisans on the Avenue in Chestnut Hill.
Courtesy of Verde
Butch: Flannel, plaid and combat looks are de riguer this season, but this special gal has known that all along. Help support your trendsetting Butch pal with a pea coat or boots from I. Goldberg Army & Navy. If she’s more of a Sleek Urban Lumberjack, head to the men’s section of Sugarcube for Pendleton and Coal. Other ideas: a Peace of Mind jacket from Lululemon; a hang chain from Diesel; or a thermal from Lucky.
Do-It-Yourselfer: He knows his way around caulk; she thinks inside and outside the box with her tools. Go retro and pick up a tool belt at your local hardware store. It’s fabulously Village People. Other ideas: a set of slate switch plates for the new fixer-upper from Restoration Hardware or a gift card to Restore for one-of-a-kind architectural salvage pieces (great for a holiday housewarming).
Courtesy of Diesel
Center City Slut: Having hooked up with everyone in Philly twice over, this trick needs to broaden their horizons in New York. Offer an assist with an Amtrak or (for the budget-minded and wifi-obsessed) Bolt Bus ticket. Other ideas: a day trip to the Raven in New Hope; an overnighter at the Chelsea in Atlantic City; or a mid-winter trip to Asbury Park for special seasonal events.
Recreational Vehicle Gay Couple: You thought, like unicorns, they didn’t exist? But oh, honey they do, and they are stylish and handsome and, oh my God, sometimes even shop at Walmart for supplies (but only at the “nice” one in Deptford). Help these boys stock up for a summer at The Woods with a gift certificate to Camper’s Cabin or North Face, or even a survival-style class from REI.
Jennifer Lea Cohan is professionally shallow, a lifestyle publicist focused on food and hospitality, design and events. She comes to Philadelphia by way of California (self-declared nuclear-free zone Santa Cruz) and New York, and resides in Center City with her husband and two children.
