Philly’s Most Brotastic Apartment Complex Has Some … Spectacular Ads

Welcome to the Goldtex building in Callowhill — where it's apparently still 1964.

My dudes, if you’re looking for an apartment where you can kick it in front of the flatscreen with some buds, have some ladies serve you a good home-cooked meal, get your girlfriend-slash-assistant to take down your every word, and enjoy a little ménage à trois once in a while — well, then, search no more.

We present the Goldtex bulding, where every 1960s-era man’s dreams can come true starting at just $1,745 a month. These “modern” studio, one-, two-, and three-bedroom units at 315 North 12th Street in Callowhill (owned by the Post Brothers Apartments, who once advertised their VIP development preview opening with a trio of bikini-clad models) are an echo of a better time when the superior sex ruled the household.

Fortunately we don’t need to list all the amenities and offerings to convince you — all you need to do is take a gander at these promotional photos.

“Your new kitchen has it all — Corian countertops, stainless-steel fixtures … and us!”

“All right, let me read that back: ‘Ham and cheese on rye, tomato, mustard, no mayo …'”

“It’s OK, Karen, we’ll still have Tuesday afternoons.”

“I just love our nightly pillow fights!”

“What can we make you for breakfast, darling?”

“Wait, didn’t I say Tuesday?”