Delaware Man Throws Semen on Wal-Mart Customer

Delaware State Police/The Smoking Gun

“Because she was hot,” is no excuse for what you’re about to read, boys and girls. Yet that was the purported excuse of this New Castle, Delaware Wal-Mart frequenter.

The 20-year-old victim says she was standing in an aisle texting when a man she later identified as 22-year-old Frank J. Short, Jr., walked by and “said excuse me.” That’s when she ” suddenly felt something wet on her buttocks, thigh and leg,” according to the official police report. Initially believing the suspect had sneezed or spat on her, the woman looked down to find…

“A GLOB OF SEMEN ON HER LEG.” He’s also been observed doing some fake-spanking in the past, but was only charged with “offensive touching with bodily fluid,” and other less bizarre crimes. Whatever you choose to do with him, Delaware police, just don’t send him to this strange upcoming gathering in which 300 local mothers will be breastfeeding en masse, in public. [Gawker]