PA Inmate Flushes His Life Away With Poop-Smeared Threat Against Judge

Can we call this a “Dear John” letter? Prosecutors say Philly native William Brown was so angry about his 2011 murder conviction that he wrote a threatening letter to the judge and … smeared his poop all over it. You will not be surprised to discover the law takes a dim view of such things: Brown has been transferred to federal custody to serve a 30-month sentence for threatening the judge.

According to the U.S. Attorney’s Office for New Jersey:

Brown, who is currently serving a sentence of life in prison for a 2011 Pennsylvania conviction for first-degree murder and aggravated assault, sent the threatening letter from his prison cell.  He admitted writing the letter, containing expletives and threats against the judge’s life, smearing his fecal matter on it and mailing it to the judge.

U.S. Attorney Fishman credited special agents of the FBI in Philadelphia, under the direction of Special Agent in Charge George C. Venizelos, with the investigation leading to today’s sentencing.

One wonders what investigation was required, exactly, in the case. Is there a fecal equivalent of fingerprint evidence? Was Brown caught, er, red-handed? Do you think the judge was more A) scared, B) disgusted, or C) really excited about the story he got to tell his golf buddies about the time that guy sent him a poop-stained threat? What jokes are we not making about this, but should?