New App Measures Penis Size
No matter how many times you pull out the measuring tape or sneak a quick peek in the locker room, it’s tough to find an answer to one of life’s biggest mysteries: Is it big enough? A new app, however, just may reveal the answer mankind has been looking for — or not. For a mere 99 cents, Condom Size seeks to “easily determine how you ‘stack up’ to the rest of the world” and offer “your condom size through step by step instructions.”
The instructions? To measure length, it brazenly asks users to “hold hard member straight against” a digital inches or centimeter ruler on your smart phone screen. For girth, you have to pull out the trusty measuring tape or a piece of string and input some data on your own. When all the results have been entered, it offers suggested condom size, a recommended condom brand and info on how you stack up to the rest of the world. Plus, along with revealing the answer to one of life’s greatest questions, it also provides tips on how to use a condom and nifty fun facts, like, did you realize “the average speed of an ejaculation is 30 mph”?
So does it work? I couldn’t bring myself to use it — I talk to my mom on that phone! But to get a feel for its popularity, I turned to its reviews in the iTunes store. One disgruntled user gave it one star, saying he, “Downloaded it for iPhone and my penis is a bit bigger than the 3.5 inches that fits on the screen. … Save your buck and use the measuring tape instead.”
Another, however, gave Condom Size 5 stars for “Having the balls to put this out! 7.6 inches.. In case anybody cares…” Show off.
P.S. While we’re on the subject of condoms, you might be interested in one of the latest from Philly Mag‘s Be Well Philly blog, “The Checkup: Condoms Won’t Stop You From Having Good Sex.”