This Flu Outbreak Is A Devastating Plague That Will Bring About the Zombie Apocalypse

Have you had your flu shot yet? If not: Prepare to suffer. Influenza is out to get you this year: Boston on Wednesday declared a flu emergency, saying that city had seen 700 confirmed cases of the illness—last year there were 70. And Google’s flu trends map, which colors states red when they have “intense” flu activity, looks like this:

That’s bad enough, but it’s also the case that the United States is also seeing a “large and early outbreak” of the norovirus that causes stomach flu—different from regular old influenza—whose symptoms include projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea. Also, the country is under attack from the biggest whooping cough outbreak in 60 years, with 42,000 confirmed cases. Also, my son is home from school with pink eye.

All of which clearly means that the plague that starts every zombie movie has arrived, and that the zombie apocalypse is coming. Stay inside. Keep plenty of food and water on hand. And when the zombies break in,  try to hit them in the head. They move faster these days than they used to. [New York Times]