Dear G Philly: Answering Reader Questions
After being in a long-term relationship for 13 years, I cheated on my boyfriend with another man. I’m not proud of my behavior. I feel awful about it and am no longer involved with the other person. But I’m wondering if I should come clean and tell my partner about what happened. The last thing I want to do is break his heart, but it’s so hard to lie to him. What should I do?
Before you blab about your affair, it’s important to consider your expectations. What will you achieve from either telling or not telling your partner about the affair? Unless keeping it to yourself is truly crippling you emotionally, it may not be worth hurting your partner of 13 years if you don’t have to – especially if you’re no longer cheating.
What do you actually gain from telling him – besides a clean conscience? Much like the affair, I suspect your wanting to confess has more to do with what makes you feel good than what is good for your partner or your relationship.
Rather than let the cat out of the bag just yet, maybe try and take what you’ve learned from this indiscretion and make your long-term relationship better and happier for the both of you. You stopped the affair for a reason, right?
If you do decide to confess all, then be prepared for the consequences. While you both may be able to work through it, there’s also the possibility that he’ll be devastated and leave you.
Please remember to get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases. The worst thing you could do now – besides breaking your partner’s heart – is to put his health at risk because of your actions.
I’m a strict vegan. I never cook or consume meat in my home or anywhere. But I’m dating someone who does eat meat. She’s usually pretty thoughtful when we’re together – she doesn’t order meat at restaurants. But I know she’s eating it when I’m not around. This may be weird but I don’t like kissing or being intimate with someone who has had an animal in her mouth. How can encourage her to consider a vegan – or even vegetarian – diet?
You can try, but it’s asking a lot. How long have you been dating? Did you know she liked cheeseburgers when you met her? And how would you feel if she asked you to reconsider your lifestyle choices to suit hers? Would you be willing to give up your vegan diet so that she can order meat openly in a restaurant without scorn? Didn’t think so.
If you don’t like kissing or being sexual with carnivores, don’t date any. It’s unfair for one person to ask another to change when said person knew – when getting into the “relationship” – that this was the reality. This isn’t to say that she may one day enjoy being a vegan or vegetarian, but it’s really up to her.
And just so you know, this advice comes from a vegetarian.
Got a question? Email nmcdonald@phillymag.com.
