6 Ways to Survive the Holiday Season

While still having a gay old time

The author (yes, the only woman at this holiday party) flanked by half of the gay men in Philadelphia

If you already feel exhausted from one too many holiday parties this season, you are not alone. The gays especially know how to do it up. But to spare everyone from losing what’s left of one’s faculties, G Philly has compiled a list of tips to save you (from yourself) this season.

1. Lay off the punch: Sure, that Southern Comfort concoction looks good tonight, but just wait until it hits you tomorrow morning. When in doubt, don’t always have that ninth cocktail. It may spare you from saying something inappropriate to a co-worker at the holiday party (like asking if he’s gay, right?) or getting into fisticuffs with an overzealous friend or relative who simply doesn’t enjoy Barbra Streisand’s Christmas album nearly as much as you do.

2. Spend wisely: Don’t try to outdo everyone at the holiday party by bringing the host something from Prada or Tiffany’s (unless you’re Oprah and those really are a few of your favorite things). Instead, be merry, Mary, with a thoughtful gift from the heart, like art, music or a bottle of booze. And lesbians, enough with the hummus already.

3. Pick your parties: Just because you get a stack of invites to a dozen or more parties this season doesn’t mean you have to attend all of them. Rather than popping up to every opening of an envelope like those guys from The A-List, attend ones where you manage to meet and greet with folks you like the most. And if the business of socializing is your work, then hit the big bashes where you get more mileage in that new pair of shoes.

4. Careful of the mistletoe: Desperate times, people, call for desperate behavior. While it’s easy to fall prey to the next love of your life (this week, anyway) don’t go gaga for every Tom, Dick and Hairy who cruises you at happy hour. While it’s respectable to have a date for that New Year’s dinner your friends are throwing, it’s not worth trolling the town like a gay gone wild just to prove you’re popular. This goes for the lesbians, too: Don’t decorate the U-Haul quite so fast, girls.

5. All in the family: If you plan on spending some time with your relatives this season, keep it real. While your crazy alcoholic aunt may like to hear all about your Holly Folly in P-Town, not everyone will get those jokes about Rip Taylor you insist on telling. Save the over-the-top stuff for your gay family (unless, of course, daddy’s wearing his pumps again).

6. Giving thanks: It takes a lot of work to host a party – especially a spectacular one. Remember to thank your host with a note afterwards. The note should accompany a special something if you were that person who spilled liquor on the chaise, poisoned the family dog with a poinsettia, made out with someone else’s husband or just acted a damn fool. You owe them, especially if you have any hope of being invited again next year.