Stuff I Don’t Understand

From Inception to street signs to Milton Street

Geez, what a scam this Inception flick is pulling off. If you love the film, great. If you don’t, it’s BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T GET IT and you better go see it again. Now, I fell somewhere in the middle. There were certainly moments where I was confused, but it wasn’t because I thought I was too stupid to understand it. I just thought it was sloppy, convoluted writing and I simply stopped caring about everything that was going on up on the screen.

It was enjoyable enough, had good performances and excellent effects, but the movie never ultimately tugged at my heart like all great movies should do. [SIGNUP]

But none of that has become the story behind Inception. The story has become whether or not YOU GET IT. It’s not a movie, it’s an SAT test. It got me to thinking, what else is there in life I just don’t get?

Here are five that come to mind right away.

1. THAT DAMN RED LIGHT. That traffic light in your neighborhood that you never get. Never! You’ll see the light, it’s still green, you speed up, and SHIT! You still don’t get it. You grow to despise that light like it’s Kanye West. What really kills me is that you never get that light no matter what direction you approach that intersection from. HOW CAN THAT BE?!

2. REALITY TV. Absolutely no one in the world acts the way they ordinarily would if there is a camera three feet from their mug. A brilliant film from the seventies by Albert Brooks titled Real Life proved that decades ago. I’ll NEVER get it. Forget the fact that I can’t believe anyone would have interest in these mundane lives to begin with, it’s all just PHONY BALONEY.

3. CERTAIN ROAD SIGNS. The BRIDGE “MAY” BE ICY sign. That’s a little too vague for me. What’s the next sign gonna say? THEN AGAIN, MAYBE IT AIN’T?

4. THAT LITTLE “9.” The little “9” that is above the price of a gallon of gas. It’s never $2.67 a gallon. It’s $2.67″9″. I get why items are priced $1.99. They want to give off the pathetic impression that it’s still priced below two bucks. C’mon! It’s what? A penny shy? We all hate the penny anyway. But that nine-tenth thing that gas has been laying on us for decades, what the hell is that all about? The subject came up on my radio program the other night and I had a dozen callers fruitlessly try to explain it to no avail. It drives me nuts.

5. MILTON STREET. As long as I can remember breathing there has been a Milton Street ripping somebody off. How can this be?

It’s not too soon to get your tix for the next “Two Funny Philly Guys” show starring Joe Conklin and myself. It’s at the Borgata on Friday night, Sept. 24th at 9 p.m. Go to for tix. DON’T MISS THIS SHOW!