Dear Bob Brady: Here’s What You Need to Do With the Pope Glass You Took
Follow Philadelphia magazine’s live coverage of Pope Francis’s historic visit all weekend long.
Oh, Bob Brady. You are so Philly. Leave it to you to go to Washington, D.C. for Pope Francis’ address to the joint session of Congress — a truly history-making event — and take the man’s water glass.
We all had a good, eye-rolling laugh at your move, and we were glad to hear that you weren’t having a senior moment, or that you weren’t simply parched. Apparently, you told Daily News reporter Regina Medina that you were going to use the water to bless your grandchildren, a lovely intent.
But the fact is, you stole that glass, a glass that Pope Francis touched and drank from. It wasn’t meant for you.
Just like I shouldn’t pilfer the supply closet at my office, you shouldn’t take glassware from your job. It probably seems like a nitpicky thing to you, but it’s not. That glass was probably paid for with taxpayer dollars. And you took it. And then you drank from it. And then you claimed it as your own. And that’s wrong.
I have some good news for you, though. There is a way for you to be absolved from your sin.
According to a 2012 study, your congressional district in Pennsylvania is one of the hungriest districts in the entire country. It’s the hungriest district in the state, by far, and even the poor residents of Camden, New Jersey, are better fed than your malnourished constituents.
And so, a simple idea, Congressman Brady. Take your pope glass, retaining some of the water that’s inside, and auction it off online. There’s even a new celebrity charity auction platform called BidKind that was built just for this kind of thing.
I have no idea how much money someone would pay for a glass that was used by the leader of the Catholic Church, but I’m betting it’s a lot. And then you can take that money to feed your district. Maybe you will only be able to feed one family. Maybe 100. Who knows? Philabundance says that one dollar provides two meals, so your pope glass could go a long way.
You’re a good Catholic, Congressman Brady, so I trust that you’ll do the right thing.
Follow @VictorFiorillo on Twitter.